self-approval that's a very challenging area now why is that challenging ladies
and gentlemen that's where most people get stuck an area of self-approval
that's a stage that a lot of people get there and they never move out of that
area why well for a variety of reasons many things can contribute to our not
approving our dream so I'm not feeling good enough a lot of things can
contribute to that many of us never live up to our potential or don't approve
ourselves because we've never had anybody to believe in us looking at some
of the things that keep us from approving ourselves that we've all done
some things that we don't feel good about things that if we had to do those
things over again we would not do those things or we would do things differently
so part of what we must do in order to begin to move into your greatness you
got to remove a major energy block and that is dealing with the issue of
forgiveness people that have hurt you someone who's done you wrong make a list
and things that you have done that you you feel bad about that you regret make
a list or maybe a time when you weren't a good father a good mother a good
brother or sister or you you were a bad child or you didn't do a good job or you
lied or you were dishonest so you stole no one knows this but you or something
you feel good about so you know it's a real dog in me to do that something you
just really regrets if we make a list of all those things all of us have some of
that which might say there is some good and the worst of us and some bad and the
best of us so none of us escaped now here's something I want you to do I want
you to become involved in an active process to get some clutter out of your
life so if there's any area in your life that you need to clean up start working
on it I'm going home tonight to clean my closets any of you got any cluttered
closet so raise your hand please good let's go home let that be our task
this week see the first law of the universe is order go home and clean the
closet out get the clutter out start letting some of this junk go to make
some room for something else do that with people there's some people whose
cluttering up your life they serve no purpose whatsoever they're just holding
and occupying the space that somebody useful positive nurturing and
contributing could be holding that space you'll even have time to look to see
what else is out there because you all have all of these people surrounding you
that's not in enabling you to grow so look at what is it I need to get out of
my life just start cleaning this stuff out getting the drawers together your
dresser drawer just getting stuff together just get them together maybe
your car got to clean my car too got a lot of stuff in that living my car you
know can't put anything in my trunk I got all kind of little things back there
two of my children back there in the trunk you know everything stuff
everywhere so I just say I say hey let me guess give this together see whatever
you have in your environment is a reflection of your consciousness so you
got all that chaos there that represents some disorganized cluttered section of
your mind so let's get all this out of there all right work to get that out
clean that up anybody that you feel very strongly about have some negative
feelings about let's look at some good reasons to forgive them number one you
must try and see what has happened or see things from that other person's
point of view let's look at it from their point of view that's that's one
area that's number one then number two holding a grudge hurts you it doesn't
hurt them so just for good health and peace of mind let it go any feeling of
resentment or anger or hatred is called to me the load of bitterness within
every thought that we entertain produces a chemical in our brain that impacts the
body's immune system and besides this person you're hating they probably are
not even aware of it if some place having a good time
don't even know you're really hating them you've turned up the steam loan
from this life to hate intense hate and here you are killing yourself making
yourself vulnerable to various types of illnesses putting yourself in bad health
and I say that person is not worth your sacrificing your health or one minute of
peace of mind one minute of anger robs you of 60 seconds of happiness so decide
it doesn't matter let it go and experience the dignity and the
magnanimous sense of character of being big enough to move on and get on with
your life letting it go so you can grow next step lack of self acceptance how
does it show up how does it manifest itself seeing with all of us have
greatness within us but when you don't come to grips with your greatness and
you don't work to develop it if you're not seeking it out if you're not finding
where it is if you're not trying to locate it if you're not experimenting
with your life to try and find out what's fits for you I'm saying that
you're positioning yourself to be a miserable person an unfulfilled person
how else do we do it procrastination we just put things off over and over and
over again why because we haven't accepted it
we don't feel deserving we don't feel that we're good enough so we sabotage
ourselves by not ever taking care of business we get real busy doing a lot of
things where we don't have any time well I'll never forget augmentee know in the
book called university of success is that many of us never ever discover our
greatness because we become sidetracked by secondary activity we start doing so
many things we just give our time away until we don't have any time for
ourselves or any time to do the things that we want to do and every time you
put it off and move it back well I'll do it one day oh yeah I'm going to get to
it I'm saying to you that one day you look around and there goes the year
there goes two years there goes three years so there's something you want to
do do it now do it right now don't put it off start right now
where you are there will never be a perfect ideal time whatever you have
going for you right now that's enough work on that idea work on it work on it
work on it another way in which it shows up and that is that because of the
relationships we form people we have around us thinking about two guys Larry
littles he went to bethune-cookman college he was the football player at
Booker T Washington High School where I graduated from Larry ended up playing
for the Miami Dolphins became an all-star or Offensive god great guy
Larry really wasn't the most talented guy in that position at boogity
Washington High School's guy named Willie Covington that was far more
talented he was stronger physically he was faster but Willie coming to never
ever made it out of high school while s he started running with the wrong crowd
big curve is what we called him start running with the wrong crowd and those
people led him to the penitentiary and ultimately to a premature death got the
word a few months ago he was shot and killed in Liberty City on 62nd Street
where I was born on the floor my twin brother named Willie Covington had great
talent great potential running with the wrong crowd watch out with the
relationships you have what kind of person are you becoming because of the
relationships that you have right now do those people contribute to you do they
help you grow and develop yourself what kind of person are you becoming people
who have not accept greatness for themselves these people don't study
ladies and gentlemen these people don't study they don't have time for personal
growth and development they don't have time to work on their minds no they
don't have time for that too busy for that people can affect this appears can
affect as our environment can affect us just working consciously to overcome the
comedy consciousness that I was raised in the feeling constantly of saying Les
Brown you deserve this there's no need for you to be afraid it's not too good
to be true it's true because you've earned it the old-fashioned way you have
worked for it but ever once in a while it comes up when I least expect it my
heart start beating fast and I start questioning myself and doubting myself
and I have to catch myself you've got to be consciously conscious
so let's look at how we can begin to evaluate our self-esteem our self
approval number one to determine the height of your self approval it's
important that you evaluate yourself because you know you quite well but it's
almost impossible to do it totally by yourself you must get some caring
feedback find somebody close enough to you that has observed you a bit around
you that you value their opinion and ask them how do they see you how do they
rate you in terms of your self esteem and then compare what you have with what
they say see there are things many times that people can see in us that we can't
see because it's a blind spot if I were to be talking to you and my breath is
offensive and you don't tell me and then I go around not only do you know
everybody else right here no and then when I'm walking toward people they say
oh let's not be right back you and I don't know why people say well last we
don't we thought you we want you to come to the party but you can't go now all
you have to do just tell me say less you need to goggle with some ammonia
something you know have you ever smelled someone's breath and didn't tell them
raise your hand if your dog does so so we all have those vibes but we have
those areas of our lives that we need to get some caring feedback we need some
coaching we need someone to let us know that and now why don't people just
volunteer that one they don't want to hurt your feelings one they don't want
to embarrass you but see there's some people you know you know they don't want
to hear it they're gonna argue with you they're gonna become defensive you one
of those people just decide to shut up and listen
next thing is a good barometer to check out how you feel about yourself is how
well you handle compliments when someone pays your compliment can you handle it
well lady was coming down the hall at least oh what a beautiful dress you have
a oh it's nothing I caught it on sales nothing no I didn't ask you did you get
that on sale I just it's a beautiful dress can you handle compliments well
that's a good barometer about your self-esteem can you handle quit
well can you give criticism next thing is what are your expectations what do
you expect to get from life what do you expect to get from your business what do
you expect to get from your relationships what is your ideal day
what is it that you expect from this experience this trip this journey that
you're involved in people that that have a strong sense of self approval they
have high expectations for themselves and from life and from others see a lot
of people don't expect much from life so they don't shoot for much they're not
preparing for much a lot of people just showing up in life a lot of people just
get up in the morning and they go through the day they go to the job just
to pull a check down watching the clock coming in so you want to be a different
kind of person as you followed your life you want to get something out of this if
you're going to do it it's worth your time your energy you've got some
expectations from this I do not let people waste my time so I want to meet
with meet with me it's accuse me what is this dealing with
I want to get to the bottom line because if it does not measure up to my
expectations I'm not going to invest my time I don't have the luxury to waste
time I'm expecting some great things from life and so I have to spend some
time working on myself and developing myself so examine your expectations
versus your wishes some people wish they could do better but some people expect
to do better were you on that next thing let's look at what are the things we can
do to increase our self approval our self appreciation our self acceptance
here's number one love yourself make caring for you the highest priority in
your life take care of you look out for what truly satisfies you we're not
taught to love ourselves we're not taught to look out for ourselves we're
not taught to take care of ourselves to become sensitive to our wants
to our needs our desires so make a conscious effort make you number one
priority your peace of mind your health is more important than your family and
any and everybody because if you don't have peace of mind if you don't have
your health you can't serve anybody don't neglect yourself a lot of us in
particularly ladies have been groomed to be sacrificial lambs putting their
dreams on the back burner in deference to their children's dreams or their
husbands dreams or their family's dreams and forget about themselves they become
resentful and angry and bitter so start taking care of yourself looking out for
you develop a health plan your health is all you got so start taking care of you
eating nutritious meals willing to exercise your body taking care of this
body loving yourself so do some good stuff for yourself on purpose take some
time out for you I have some good things I do for me one of the things I enjoy
that I do I take spiritual baths my assistant introduced me to someone
called sister Sarah who gave me my first spiritual bath and never heard of this
before she told me about it and I say come on come on Regina spiritual bath
and Sue my Secretary's husband named Larry he said a spiritual bath for fifty
dollars I give you a spiritual shower yeah but I play soft music I've taped
some of my favorite music I play burn a candle and I have different oils that I
put in the tub of hot water and I have flowers that I picked and I put I like
you know I saw coming to America you know what Eddie Murphy you know they
would sprinkle your little flowers on the ground right up so it gives me a
feeling of royalty so I I sprinkle these flowers in the water and I soak I like
doing that and I soak it sometimes I read or just relax and enjoy the music
and just cool out that's my time for me put the answering service on I just
cock sometime for me I'm into meditation been working and and exercising now just
doing some things for me taking care of myself mentally emotionally and
spiritually and physically you can't develop and manifest your greatness you
can't be a high achiever if you don't feel good you don't take care of
yourself so I'm taking care of me and then you're on it takes the edge off
your life it helps you to manage things rather than allowing them to manage you
gives you more personal power to deal with stuff take care of you now here's
something else I suggest for you become aware of what your needs are and develop
compassion towards yourself despite your human defects develop compassion for
yourself despite your human defects you will never be perfect
hello you will never be perfect you're human you've made a lot of mistakes
you've done a lot of dumb stupid things guess what you're not through yet
you're gonna do some more hurry up and get it over with
it's not right got to learn to be gentle with yourself make it alright what you
don't know the mistakes that you make it's okay
handle it learn from the experience
decide that you are going to whatever you become involved in to be upfront to
be true to yourself are you getting what you need out of it and be upfront with
people and tell them what you need from them don't assume that they know don't
say I thought you knew no tell people up front here's what I need from this in
order for this to work for me be upfront with your stuff tell them upfront so
they are not surprised later on so your feelings aren't hurt later on see if
they tell you upfront they can't do it now you know you can keep on stepping
but tell people upfront here's what I want in order for me to play this game
with you if we're gonna dance this is what I got
to get out of it see if you don't take care of your needs guess what you will
always have that nagging song in the back of your mind say well when do I get
mine what am I going to start enjoying this so we're going to have a good time
together do I get any noodles out of this at all
you're just not asking that question everybody's happening having a good time
but you isn't what we thought you were happy how could you think that way you
weren't saying anything well I'm saying something now hope you got that see
we're taught to be quiet and not speak up for ourselves and not to be selfish
if you don't take care of you what do you think is gonna take care of you
who's gonna look out for you better than you will no one no one's gonna do that
you got a business no one's gonna take care of your business better than you
nobody nobody anything you want to do in life you've got to take ownership of it
and say hey I'm gonna make this happen be willing to venture out and do
something that you have fantasized about doing and you know you probably won't be
good at it but do it anyhow case in point I have always wanted to say I've
always wanted to do that I'm going to sing a song and if I don't do nothing
but just a few lines chances all
now I might not be a loop of Vandross you know on Andy Williams you know but
it might be a little Perry Como up in there a little math is in that kinkow
next thing is avoid people and situations that upset you hello see
there are some people that know just how to push your button they know just what
to say so you know I don't even deal with them I just serve or excuse me
hey um I want to talk about something I understand excuse me I'll be right back
here now you might call that cowardly but I'm not going to expend any energy
arguing with anybody life is too short ladies and gentlemen and unpredictable I
don't want to spend my time arguing with anybody so I avoid situations that will
get me upset I don't argue with people I bought things I don't look at movies
that that frightened me last fright movie I saw was the Exorcist I never saw
another one after that I never forget going home at that time I was married
and I was blowing the horn going up into the driveway I said open the door
I pull up over the door to get out and it's all love together sigh blowing the
horn my wife said unfasten your seat belt fool I said oh alright that movie
scared me out of my wits so I don't look at scary movies I'm one of the people
little scared movie like this tell me tell me what's happening now ten what's
up I threw popcorn all over everybody that
girl is spitting on those people I don't do that no no no no no sorry that I
slept in the house of lights on all over the house for two weeks I was
embarrassed but your children said daddy turned myself No
so I don't do I just avoid things I go see comedies I love Danny DeVito and
Steve Martin I like things that make me laugh make me feel good but like the
little boy in me life is just too serious here's something else that can
help to increase your self-esteem draw the line ladies and gentlemen there are
certain things that we just go through life just taking and at some point you
just got to draw the line and just say enough is enough you got to do that with
yourself just draw the line you know see when I manage my food choices I get
on scale every day but I get to a certain level that's a crisis level I
just get down start doing setups right this
depressed look hey right away if I if my income drop to a certain level I go
crazy I start working like you see this callus on my ear you see that callous
right there that's how that countless got there yeah my income drop and I made
200 calls a day as punishment don't you ever let this happen again
because I'll never never never be broke again so you got to draw a line you just
got a drunk there's certain things that you just don't permit if you got
negative people in your life just once - look here I was talking to someone who
loved very much ahead of just dynamic relationship with us look here I can't
grow from that if you persist in and saying those kind of things to me I'm
saying to you right now I won't tolerate that
and I will terminate this because I'm not going to expose myself to this type
of humiliation I don't like that I don't like to get in calling names and putting
each other down like that come back to them I'm sorry
no I won't get it so you put a nail in a hole you make that impression you pull a
nail out that mark is still there that's not for God we can't subtract that from
the record so don't don't say that to me so we were talking about something else
person said again boom you'll loser very good and you are too because you just
lost a very good friend I don't choose to be around you anymore and that was it
I say that's cold maybe it is but I get people out of my life that aren't good
for me one negative stroke is 16 times more powerful than a positive stroke and
if you have people around you who are not sensitive to who you are and the
people that can hurt you the most ladies and gentlemen are the people that you
love that you love they're the ones that you're vulnerable to they're the ones
that can get to you and they're Fifth's insensitive I don't care who they are
see if you don't draw the line with people if you just let them run rampant
in your life and you let things happen to you that you don't feel good about if
you continue to allow it to happen you won't feel good about yourself your
image of yourself will erode so you've got to draw the line in the conditions
that you find yourself in here's a jarring question why are known hell's
preferable to strange heavens why would people live in a known hell a lot of
people just go to a job where they're miserable day in and day out why do
people stay together and they're miserable sleeping in separate rooms
arguing are the only thing have in common paying the bills don't
talk don't communicate don't share anything together day in and day out is
short and unpredictable that life is being mean to each other what do people
do that known Hills are preferable to strange heavens because it's familiar
see life is rough ladies and gentlemen it's rough and it's scary it's scary
growing it's scary taking a chance it's scary acting on your intuition on your
guts it's scary it's frightening there are people that just tolerating things
right now and they're immobilized by fear they can see the hammer coming and
they afraid to even move because it's scary
federal White said something to go against the dominant thinking of your
family friends and those people you associate with every day is perhaps the
most difficult act of courage you will ever perform see when you start growing
when you start changing the way you walk the way you talk the way you act the way
you respond to things the way you use your time when you start saying no I
can't do that why you're too busy you don't have the time to I have my own
agenda all right got something that I'm doing not lying to try and get out of it
just said no I'm busy doing something that I want to do or I don't want to do
that and I'm not going to do it
I'm not mad not upset about it I just don't want to do it why well I
don't have to give you any reasons why I don't want to do it but listen thank you
so much for asking me take it easier hey I thought you were all right is that
right oh boy ask me do I care about that if people
can put you on a guilt trip they will and use you and abuse you over and over
and over again you got to draw the line you have to draw the line on them don't
go through life feeling like you're powerless victims of people that are
powerless you're not powerless you are powerful you direct the power in your
life whatever your life is right now it is a duplication of your consciousness
it's a result of how you have decided to use your power that's all it is that's
not who you are that's just a perverted use of your power that you aren't
satisfied with and you've got the power to change that wherever you are huh I
don't know but I know you've got the power to do that but you don't know what
has happened to me it really doesn't matter what has happened to you see the
only thing that really matters is what are you going to do about it that's all
that matters that's all that matters you can allow it to destroy you or you can
allow it to bill you up John Powell a book called while I'm afraid to tell you
I am and he went to get a newspaper guy was very discourteous to and he was very
courteous to the guy the guy who was with him said why would you be as
courteous to this guy as you were considering how rude II was to you he
said I'm not going to allow that man to determine how I'm going to act the
things that's going to happen to you in life ladies and gentlemen make it okay
Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change I cannot
change the fact that when I ask my son to go that I will no longer take care of
him then he became angry and perhaps hate my guts the change of things that I
can I can change how I respond to it I can become upset nervous
hence about it week about it or I can say it's okay
he who cares less wins you gotta make it okay
become comfortable with it what's the next thing learn something new
and tackle it in a spirit of adventure and love
somebody said that we are not stricken by the things we do but we're stricken
by the things that we don't do the Psalms that have not been sung the poems
that we have not written the work that we have not done the ideas that we have
not developed the dreams that we have not acted on
that's what can stricken you that's what can block your power
that's what can rob you of your piece of your satisfaction of your self-respect
of this special joy that you can get out of life of special achievement see one
of the things that contributes to to high self acceptance or self approval is
self achievement when you achieve something when you've done something and
you can stand back and look at it say I did this what if it doesn't work out you
can stand back and look at and say I tried it I would have been there I went
with it didn't work out no no but I the experience I loved just the experience
of doing it I love that so that's why I said wait a minute I've been fantasizing
about singing
so I'm gonna do this who says that when I first stand up I got to sound like
Pavarotti what the guys David I don't have to sound like him
I didn't sound like this that's right maybe Brownsburg see see you got to look
at you and look at your life and find something that you can tackle and do it
with love only that which you love only that which you love let me tell you
something when you do that you're doing it in a spirit of love just love it me
can you can you tell I love this I love it see I know that there's greatness in
you I know that there's something in you everybody has something I don't know
what it is but you know it's something you know it's something in you that you
want to do everybody's got some ideas I say to you that as you focus on
something as you go into action as you hold that thought in consciousness
persistently you begin to develop the consciousness to manifest and create all
kinds of things you will begin to realize powers and abilities you have
you will realize you have miracle-working power in you that that
when you move that when you walk fuck will see you when you come in the room
and say yeah I don't know what it is then there's something different about
you there's something about the way you look it's it's a glow about what is it
huh what will you do now I'm just being Who I am I'm just living
out my greatness I'm I'm approving myself and giving myself permission to
pursue my dream ladies and gentlemen pursue your dream pursue your greatness
it's there I know it's there I'm waiting on you to come on out here and join me
this is mrs. Mamie Brown's baby boy Leslie Calvin Brown saying it's been a
plum pleasing pleasure as well as a privilege thank y'all here
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