Auto news on Youtube Jun 1 2018

so hey guys what's up I'm really kind of nervous doing this

video because i've been promising if we're so long but it's such a complex

video for me to make that i didn't and i don't even know where to start so i'm

just gonna be if i'm all over the place I apologize but I'm gonna try to be as

consistent as possible not consistent as organized as possible in my thoughts my

train of thoughts okay so today we're going to talk about something that's

very dear to me a very close to me which is self-care well if you're if you click

the video you're probably in touch with mental health awareness you probably

maybe have mental health issues yourself in case you don't know me from before I

do suffer from depression and anxiety at the moment I'm on medication for both

things and if you want to know more about my relationship with depression

I'm gonna link two videos in the description box that I kind of went over

everything I have started medications a few months ago and I'm a lot better but

I still have a real long way to go and I feel like more and more I realize how

this is gonna be something that's gonna be with me for the rest of my life

even in the positive periods of my life it's always gonna be a little bug like

in the back of my head that is sort of gnawing at me and I'm always gonna have

to watch out to not let it get too bad and sometimes I may need medication

sometimes I may not but it's something that I know that I'm gonna have to deal

with for the rest of my life because I have a very depressive personality the

ways to deal with it sometimes his medication

all the times I think therapy is really really helpful especially for me because

I feel like I have a lot of like childhood traumas that I even never

realized until very very late in life like it was really like this past year

that it all came rushing down into me obviously if you can afford therapy

and counseling it's a really really good tool for you and it's about finding also

the right you know therapist and the right counselor for you some of them you

might not like as much but then when you find the right fit I feel like it's

really really good for you too honestly just to unload everything to a

person that doesn't have any judgment does it have any reservations about you

and doesn't have any like expectations as well it's pretty liberating and it

also helps guide you in the right direction sort of and helps you

understand your actions your past actions so you can learn from them and

do better in your future actions but the main thing that is really really

important and not all that expensive is self-care and self-care can be like a

million different things four million different people self care is really

about what makes you you what makes you comfortable what makes you healthy what

makes you happy what makes you get the Machine going and push away the

depressive thoughts and there are so many things to look into when it comes

to self-care I feel like I have my own little niche of things but of course

it's down to you if you love to do something I may not like so I'm gonna

list like some of the things that I have been doing towards my self-care routine

and maybe you'll find helpful tips as well that you may like to introduce into

yours so the first thing I'm going to talk about is actually about my eating

habits just before I went on medication I was really down in the dumps and I

feel like I had never experienced this before previous episodes but in this one

I was really lacking appetite I couldn't eat anything just a thought of food

would make me sick I couldn't when I was chewing stuff it was like chewing paper

I couldn't feel the taste of the food it was all very yeah and so I lost a lot of

weight I've always been around 50 kilos and so I was now at 45 kilos which was

pretty scared for me my face was starting to get something in and

actually at the time I wasn't feeling too much but I did film one video with

that weight which was the ASOS haul which I'm gonna link up here if you want

to see like my face it's really like different than what it is now and I was

so tiny and so like I looked fragile even and so one of the things that has

been most to me is making sure I get all the

nutrition I need and mostly that I get all the calories I need in my day now

this is gonna sound weird but I've actually been using a fitness help to

help track that and the app I've been using is called feet satchel actually

I've been doing a sort of self journaling of my food to make sure I ate

at all the right times and make sure the overall day of food looked great and

then this app actually reached out to me and I thought this is such a good idea

such as ingenious idea and the app was really like self intuitive and helpful

for example today is very unfilled because I haven't finished today but for

example yesterday I didn't reach my full calorie intake so I didn't eat that much

wasn't really a great day actually I was moving the whole day and that's why that

happened because I have been trying to keep it to the full so when you sign up

to the app you kind of put your weight your height your definitions what you'd

like what are your goals what you'd like to achieve and then they give you the

lengths of calories that you should intake to you know make that happen

and mine are 2135 so yesterday that didn't happen and you can see a huge gap

but if we go like before yesterday you can see that I filled out everything and

went a little overboard which is great you have like breakfast snack you have

lunch you have another snack dinner and then another snack and workout I mean

you can have it can add every sort of food that you want and I'm gonna show

you how I do it here for example for lunch you can go here and you can even

go on scanner and you can scan your food perfectly and it actually really shows

up it's really helpful and then you can adjust the portions the grams you'll

find out calories you can also add stuff of your own so for example if I go eat

out yesterday I went to joe & the juice and I searched up online all the information

about the food that I was eating and I just logged it into the app and I

created my own sort of food and so I have it readily available if I do eat

that again it's gonna be there just click Add and a lot healthier in terms

of weight right now and I am almost my normal weight which I'm really happy

about I'm like ecstatic about not only because it was I was afraid to go down

and get really sick but also because my clothes weren't fitting I'm gonna leave

a link down below in the description box for you to sign up to the app if you

want to partner with that I've also been trying to hit the gym a lot more cuz I

was willing lazy about it before I had I I was paying for J I'm like for months

and months and months I'm never going not even once and now I've started going

again and I've been trying to do two to three times a week and it's been a

challenge because I hate the gym I hate working out but I'm doing it and it is

so helpful for mental health illnesses for depression especially when you're

working out your body's just producing serotonin which is what you lack of when

you're like in the depressive state and so it just helps you get that motor

started it just helps you get a little bit more free and also helps like free

your mind of stuff if you're like running or weights we're dancing

whatever workout you want to do and you're like listening to music and

you're thinking more about the action than you're thinking about your thoughts

and I know like when you're very neurotic like I am I'm always thinking

or always overthinking things and when I'm at the gym I hate it but I hate it

so much that I focus all my energy on getting through that it also really

helps my sleep pattern because when I come out of gym I just take a bath got

really relaxed and then I sleep a lot better and I fall asleep a lot faster as

well I don't know if that happens to you and that's why I usually go out to the

gym at the end of the day I know some people do morning but I really like to

go to the gym and then just come home relax and lull myself into sleep and

that's are another thing that are real real helpful baths candles aromatherapy

candles that are very sleep inducing a real life as well because they calm

down I have like this neom de-stress bath oil and I'm gonna put a picture up here that

before I go into the shower I just put a little on my shoulders I inhale deeply

like just let it feel me let it feel the room and you really

really calls me that especially if I'm really anxious and my heartbeat is

accelerated I destroyed it deep breath and smell really works in your mind and

kind of slows everything down a little bit I find that super helpful

also the physical acts of lighting a candle dimming down the lights it's just

very relaxing towards the nighttime and I really like to do it another thing

I've been really really liking to do is kind of taking care of my plants I have

some cactus and succulents and then I just got a fern which I'm really excited

about and I think I'm gonna kill it but I've never had a fern but I know

they're really complicated and but it's really cute on whatever pictures I

bought my plants here because they're really cute and I really like taking

care of them and like looking after them nourishing them and while I'm doing it

it's just like I don't know it's sort of uh um it does help kind of ease your

mind also taking care of your place and making sure everything's like really

tidy I'm a really really messy person and when my room is messy when my house

is messy I feel like it also interferes with my mind like my mind gets a little

bit more messy if the house is super clean and super tidy and super organized

I feel so much better like inside my head it's a totally psychological thing but

you know that's what we're talking about here and it does clear out the space in

my mind as well it kind of mirrors itself in my mind I don't know if that

happens to you let me know in the comment another thing that I really like

to do now especially now that I'm working from home if I'm staying home

then I it's important to have like a waking up routine it's important to wake

up semi early early depending on your and I mean I know it's really hard when

you really depressed us to wake up but it's important to wake up in the morning

to open up your curtains let the light shine in it's really important for you

to do that and then also I try to do my skincare routine right when I wake up

because it does wake me up a little bit and I don't get as drowsy the water

splashing on my face kind of wakes me up a little bit so I tried to do that as

well and most importantly get out of my PJs when I'm at home if I'm working from

home I can't I have to switch into like workout clothes or activewear something

that is not a pajama because if I stay in my pajamas I literally get more lazy

and again this is all very psychological but it's the little things that add it

up all together make for a clearer headspace and a more

calm headspace I also really think it's helpful to have a pet if you can pets

are the best and I obviously recommend the cat because I love cats

dogs are also really good if you like like the neediness of dogs that might be

a really good thing as well because they take so much more care of you than a cat

does but to be honest I love cats and I think that my cat really helps me

through a lot it was like bad moments I just look at him and he's so cute he

instantly cheers me up a little bit and he makes me so so like grateful that

he's in my life he's just a little ball of fur and I love and I think yeah

having pets is really helpful as well especially if you live alone if you

spend a lot of your time at home alone I've also started journaling so yeah I

mean I don't do it every single day because I feel like sometimes I don't

have stuff to say and that's fine but I try to journal like regularly so I've

been doing at least once a week but sometimes two to three times a week and

especially if I have a bad day and I just want to get it out of my head it

also is a good aid to therapy or if you can't afford therapy or if you don't

have the means to to go to therapy it's a really good second option it's not

gonna substitute it but it's a really really good second option that you can

sort of make work I feel like letting the stuff out is

really good it even if you're just writing to no one letting the stuff out

it's just really really cleansing and purifying and it just gets rid of all

the nasty stuff that you're thinking about one thing that you should always

always also do is reaching out to other people I'm not saying like in a way of

help and if you do need help definitely reach out to other people get help and

make yourself better but also if you are very if even if you're recovering if

you're already healthy it's really important to go out of the house to meet

people to socialize I hate socializing it's my worst

nightmare and I don't have that many friends so I try to like rotate between

my friends for them sort of babysit me through the day and I know it can be

hard to make friends when you don't have friends when you just moved to a new

place and you don't have friends you don't know anyone but it really is

important to mingle and just have those people that you know you can count on

and right now I'm trying to organize my whole life and just reach

out to people that I haven't reached that in so long because you know

depression kind of pushes everyone away in the sort of unconscious involuntary

sense but now that I'm a little bit healthier and I've also been I know that

is healthy I've been trying to reach out to people make lunch today to make

tea dates make whatever dates but I just can see people and talk to people

talk to different people because it really nourishes the mind it also gets

you thinking about other things when you talk to one person you kind of get that

person's perspective but if you talk to like five people then you get five

people's perspectives they also talk to you about their problems so you kind of

take your mind off your problems a little bit talk to other people and kind

of engage in their problems and their kind of concerns that the stuff that

they're going through it really does help mix it up a little bit if you know

what I mean and finally I think this is gonna sound really weird but one that I

really feel is really really super helpful to me it's keeping my Instagram

updated when I'm not keeping my Instagram updated you can tell that I'm

going through something through a rough patch to a depressive episode because I

have no will to do it so I kind of force myself to do it even when I don't want

to because I know that if I stop that ball from rolling then it kind of

becomes a square and it's harder to roll I think that was a really weird metaphor

but you know what I mean I mean it's it's once I stopped posting for like a

week then it's so so so hard to get back on that horse again so I really try to

update Instagram daily if not daily then every two days or something like that

I've been trying to keep it going daily because it really helps me just be

productive and feel productive as well and I feel like when I feel productive

and and when I do like I make lists and I when I do all the stuff in my list I

feel a little peace of mind that kind of you know makes me motivate it for the

next day if that makes sense I do like making lists a lot so that's another

thing I do like making lists a lot and then when I check everything off the

list I feel so much so much more calm somewhat less anxious so much less

paranoid about all the problems that I have in my life

I think just kind of aligns for a brief moment and it kind of makes me look

forward to the next day where I have a different tasks to get through yeah

that's pretty much it that is sort of what I go through with my self-care

routine it's more of a sit down video I'd also want to make a more like guided

video where I actually you see me do the stop so let me know down below if you'd

actually like to see me do a self-care routine like when I get home from work

when I'm home working and when I'm doing up until nighttime from morning to night

time what are all the steps that I do in a regular normal day I think that would

be really fun as well let me know if you'd be interested in that this video

thumbs up and leave a comment down below saying yes or no yes know if you're

interested say yes and yeah that's where my chit subscribe to the channel don't

forget to click the little bell button so you know every single time I'm

uploading and that's it

you

For more infomation >> SELF-CARE TIPS & ROUTINE To Help Depression and Anxiety | Raquel Mendes - Duration: 16:16.

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How to Find Confidence in Yourself Using This Secret Self Care Strategy - Duration: 9:43.

Would you like to be more confident?

Well, who wouldn't?

I've got a secret self-care strategy that is going to build your confidence in a way

that is both effective and fun.

I'm Christina Marlett, creator of Courageous Self-Care.

Today, I'm going to show you how to build confidence in yourself using this secret self-care

strategy.

For the best advice on how to practice self-care that goes beyond bubble baths, chocolate,

and wine, be sure to subscribe to this channel, the Courageous Self-Care channel, and hit

the bell to be notified when a new video is posted every Thursday.

If you would like to have more confidence in yourself, self-care may not be the go-to

strategy that comes to mind, but today I'm going to show you a secret self-care strategy

that is going to build you confidence and help you learn how to more fully express yourself.

I've used this process with every single one of my clients around the world with incredible

results.

Today, lucky you, it is your turn.

Be sure to stick around to the end of the video because I have a created a resource

that you are going to absolutely love.

I've divided today's information up into three parts.

Part one is called the super secret strategy to boosting your confidence.

Are you ready for the big reveal?

Now, I know it's a super secret strategy because it's something that I created and it's called

ugly awkward dancing.

Okay, what is that?

Ugly awkward dancing is not dancing like Elaine on Seinfeld, although it may look like that.

What it refers to is the big elephant in the room.

So many people I meet say, "I can't dance," or if I say, "I created something called ugly

awkward dancing," they say, "Oh, that's exactly what I do."

There's an important distinction here.

There is dance as an art form.

However, if you never did take dance lessons, it doesn't mean you can't dance because dance

is an essential human experience.

Every single indigenous culture around the world for millennia has relied on dance to

connect with their bodies, to connect with themselves, with each other as a community

and with spirit.

Dance is incredibly powerful.

The reason I'm referring to it as ugly awkward dancing is just to address that elephant in

the room.

It doesn't matter how it looks.

It's about how it feels.

Part two, how and why does ugly awkward dancing work to build your confidence?

Dance is about how it feels, not about how it looks.

I did grow up tap dancing, competing, and it was all about how it looked, never about

how it felt.

It had to be perfect so that I could win the gold medals that I loved decorating my room

with.

It wasn't until my mid 30s that I learned that dance could be done in a different way.

It didn't have to be choreographed.

You didn't have to win prizes at it or compete.

It could be just for the joy of feeling alive.

Now, researchers were fascinated to learn that dance is the only known way of combining

and connecting mind, body, spirit, and emotions simultaneously all at once.

Yoga doesn't do that.

Meditation doesn't do that.

Only dance.

Plus, neurologists studied what the brain looked like during dance and they were fascinated

to learn that the communication center of the brain was lit up.

Not only are you connecting all four of those parts of you, you're also communicating to

yourself, to others, and to spirit your incredible joy of being alive and the ability of moving.

How does it work to build your confidence?

Well, I call it the dance playground.

Growing up competing, I had a certain level of confidence that I could portray as a dancer,

but there were definitely other parts of my life where I had very little confidence.

It wasn't until I learned to focus on, in particular, in the dance playground, where

no one gets hurt, that if you focus on how it feels rather than how it looks, first of

all, you develop a much better relationship with your body.

Secondly, your confidence starts to build because when you play in the dance playground,

then it trickles out into other areas of your life.

If you're learning to feel more confident in your movement in your body, pretty soon,

you'll start to notice that your confidence is being built up in other areas of your life

as well.

Now, why is ugly awkward dancing a form of self-care?

It is a form of self-care because it's combining all four of those areas, mind, body, spirit,

and emotions, at the same time, and it is an incredible state changer.

No matter what's going on in your life, if you take a few minutes to dance, I guarantee

100% of the time you will feel better.

It can be alone.

It can be in a room with others.

The key is to focusing on how it feels, not on how it looks.

That's going to trickle out into other areas of your life.

Once I started leaving that perfectionism behind by playing in the dance playground,

getting more confident in my body and in myself and in what my body wanted to do rather than

being told what to do, I was able to start living my life in a way that was all about

how it felt rather than how it looked to others.

That is an incredible form of self-care because the greatest journey that we're going on in

this lifetime, the adventure of our lifetime, is discovering who we are and sharing that

amazing specimen of humanity with others.

The dance playground is a wonderful way to get there.

Are you willing to give ugly awkward dancing a try?

Go ahead and leave a comment and let us know what kind of dance you love to do and if you've

ever done ugly awkward dancing before and if you are onboard to use it as a tool to

boost your confidence.

Don't be shy.

This is a wonderful time to practice expressing yourself using a little bit of confidence

so go ahead and leave a comment.

Part three, do some ugly awkward dancing every day for the next seven days.

Okay, my friends.

This is where the rubber hits the road and you get to decide, "Do I want to be more confident?

Am I willing to create a better connection with my body and with my mind and with spirit

and with my emotions and to watch my confidence blossom?"

That is all you need to do, put it into action.

I encourage you to take out your calendar.

I'm a big fan of scheduling things on my trusty phone.

Put it in there that you're going to dance every day for the next seven days.

It can be ugly awkward dancing.

It can be beautiful spectacular dancing.

Make sure you do it.

I recommend doing it first thing in the morning because that's when your motivation is the

highest.

Now you know how to find confidence in yourself using this super secret self-care strategy

of ugly awkward dancing, but are you actually going to do it?

People are notoriously unreliable when it comes to self-care.

They need some sort of accountability.

I had an idea.

For the next seven days in my Courageous Self-Care Facebook community I am going to post your

ugly awkward dancing song of the day.

That way, you have no excuse.

All you need to do is join the group, look for the song, do your dance, and go about

your day, plus watch your confidence grow.

There's no way to lose.

It's a win-win.

Be sure to join our Courageous Self-Care Facebook community.

It's a group of like-minded people who are building their self-care muscle one day at

a time.

The link to join that is in the description below this video.

Now, I sure hope that you liked this video, that it was useful to you.

If it was, please give it a like and leave a comment, share it with your friends.

Let's get this ugly awkward dancing spreading out all over the nation.

Be sure to subscribe to this Courageous Self-Care channel.

I know you'll want to watch next week because I'm going to be revealing three super effective

ways to get back to sleep at night when your mind is going bananas.

Thank you so much for joining me today.

I'm Christina Marlett, creator of Courageous Self-Care and your self-care coach.

If you're looking for a bit more of a personal experience, I have a program every month called

the Monthly Self-Care Tune Up.

If you've been giving way more to others than you've been giving to yourself, join us for

this intimate small group coaching session that happens once a month.

If it's the only self-care you do, it will be enough because we go deep.

You'll see some other videos popping up on the screen here.

I have been having fun making them for you.

If you've got a few minutes, click on one and see what's up in that video.

Thank you so much for watching.

I'm really looking forward to connecting with you again next time.

Bye bye for now.

For more infomation >> How to Find Confidence in Yourself Using This Secret Self Care Strategy - Duration: 9:43.

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9 Signs That Show You Are Connected To Your Highest Spiritual Self - Duration: 8:59.

you

the spiritual path we take is unique for each of us yet regardless of the

spiritual path we choose to take we all arrive at the same truth in the end

these descriptions of the truth were laid down before us by the enlightened

beings who had been there however since they all had their own unique journey

their advice is weary but the truth is always the same if you dive deep into

these pieces of the truth they all point to the same essence and exactly this

essence is what you discover when you connect with your highest spiritual self

the following signs show how deeply connected you are to the highest layers

of your spirit but each of them is also a crucial piece of the truth by itself

so learning about these spiritual facts will lead you closer to your highest

spiritual self nine signs you are connected to your highest spiritual self

signs you are deeply connected to your spiritual self one you feel you are

connected to the universe in all of creation feeling the connectedness

between yourself and all of life's creations shows a deeper spiritual

connection you feel this connectedness and oneness despite the differences in

the thoughts and ideas of each one it's because this connectedness is on

the deeper level of shared consciousness as well as the divine energy that

governs us all when you reach this level your desire focuses on helping to ease

the suffering of others letting go of grudges is easier for you as well as

offering forgiveness and compassion even if others fail to ask for it you're

naturally inclined to be kind to the people around you the animals and even

nature because you understand not doing these things is not honoring your

essence to you embrace change willfully you come to understand that in order for

you to evolve you need to keep changing and embrace every change needed in your

spiritual evolution in diving into your inner self you discover that your body

keeps changing in all the things around you change is an essential part of every

human experience and you know that this change involves letting go of people or

situations and appreciating every moment of your existence 3 you realize that

your ego is only made up by your mind detaching yourself from your ego self is

giving you the freedom to start projecting your true self

it's a full liberation that needs to be celebrated because at last you have come

to know that the person you believe you are is only made up by the environment

where you grow up in the conditioning you receive from your family and life

situation you have come to realize that you can change your life and be the best

version of yourself despite the pains or traumas that you've been through and

that you have the power to shine despite your shadows and wounds in fact these

things help you shine brighter for you honor your body as part of your

spiritual self even if you know you are a spiritual being having a human

experience you honor your physical body because it's a part of who you are in

this lifetime honoring your body means taking full responsibility for your

choices and reactions whether you feel anger or lust you know you don't need to

push away these feelings you accept all your feelings because you understand

they are a part of you but not you you have the power to transcend your body's

urges by taking control of your emotions instead of being controlled by them you

also honor your body by providing it good nutrition moving it through

exercise giving it nurture and self-care five you live in the here and now unlike

the way you used to now you're able to live in present moment you are in the

here and now not thinking about the past could have beens or the future what-ifs

instead you are living in the now because you understand that there is

nothing more real as the present moment you can't project onto others the things

you are not at peace with within yourself if you are living in the

present moment all you can do is be you can't monster eyes fear or project

monsters in hypothetical scenarios upon reality that mask your real emotions and

help your ego stop you from facing them it's only in staying at this present

moment that you are much a baleen unfolding before you six you feel the

spirit of everything physics believe that everything is

composed of energy in the spiritual context this energy is the consciousness

that keeps you united with everything around you love is what entangles

everything in everyone beyond space and time when people are in disconnection

with this truth it's when people start hurting each other this disconnection is

triggered by the illusion of separation fear and ego

you have seen that the more someone is disconnected from the consciousness we

all share the more they unconsciously hurt others even though they might see

themselves as highly spiritual but because you have felt the spiritual

connectedness of everything you are more compassionate to yourself and everything

around you you sense you are one with everything you sensed that there are

particles within you connecting you to other stars and galaxies that the energy

within everything comes from the same source 7 you understand that there is

more to life than what meets the eye you understand that you have a limited

mind that can't contain everything about the universe how you perceive reality is

just one way from infinite number of ways you can perceive it you're aware

that even if you master one thing and know everything about this specific

thing there are countless other subjects your mind hasn't even scratched and if

you start to master something else your mind will just forget about the other

thing to make space what you know is to do your own thing trusting that the

universe will do its own thing in helping you you know that even though

your imagination is not limited your mind is

an in full humility and openness you allow life to constantly unfold its

mystery before you eight you discern that pain enjoy our two sides of the

same coin dot while you've been conditioned to chase joy and avoid pain

being connected to your highest spiritual self you realize that pain

enjoy our two sides of the same coin suffering happens as a result of seeking

pleasure and ultimately avoiding pain pain gives you a reason to breathe while

joy gives you a space to breathe one could not exist without the other

because in the absence of one the other loses its meaning 9 you perceive that we

are all love love is not an emotion that comes and goes in your spiritual journey

love is realizing the true essence and divinity within yourself and recognizing

it in others the romantic emotion of love we experience towards one another

is just one representation of this essence we project upon the world giving

way to the all-encompassing love is honouring the divinity and consciousness

of everything in allowing harmony to flow it's this deep essence of what we

call love itself that gives you the strength to appreciate others as they

are with all their flaws and help them in any way you can

For more infomation >> 9 Signs That Show You Are Connected To Your Highest Spiritual Self - Duration: 8:59.

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Nightcore → Self Control | DallasK「Lyrics」 - Duration: 3:16.

Nightcore → Self Control | DallasK「Lyrics」

For more infomation >> Nightcore → Self Control | DallasK「Lyrics」 - Duration: 3:16.

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5 Tips to increase your self esteem - Duration: 1:53.

For more infomation >> 5 Tips to increase your self esteem - Duration: 1:53.

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Self Hypnosis Talk: Perception Is Projection - Duration: 8:49.

Has anyone here heard the term perception is projection?

Let me explain a little bit about what we mean by this.

Another way to put this is a quaint saying that people don't see the world as it is;

they see the world as they are.

How do you know what you're looking at?

How do you know what's going on around you?

You don't.

This is all an illusion that's going on.

Let's just look at it in the visual sense.

To be in this room and make sense of me sitting up in this chair, all that's happening is

light waves are hitting these little tiny things in the top of your eyes that we call

an eyeball.

Actually it's not even that.

It's just that little black bit in the side of the eyeball, a tiny little hole.

It's not getting a lot of light into that, but that tiny little hole gets enough light

going into it that when the light wave bounces off the retina, it sets off a little electric

charge.

That charge goes up the optical nerve and comes into a little gap.

That little gap gets jumped over with some chemical.

Those chemicals set off another little electric charge on the other side, and that process

continues until it hits your brain.

Then inside your brain the occipital lobe is primarily responsible for it.

It's this nice little part in the back of the head that we patted earlier on.

The occipital lobe takes all these chemical/electrical signals and cooks up some magic and comes

up with some of the parietal lobe understandings of what ought to be there.

So, you don't just see a mass of color.

You see a person sitting in a chair, sitting on a blue stage, etc.

There's a whole complex set of activities that have to go on in order for vision to

work.

If you ask someone who's into optics, they'll tell you that one-way vision – in other

words if you don't know what the input source is, it's impossible to see.

Vision is impossible.

In order for your eye to see, it has to make assumptions about the light source.

That's why for example when you're in a fog where the light source is different

to the assumptions – rather than being a light source from the top down from a single

universal point, you now have a dispersed equal light source around you – it becomes

very difficult to judge distances and shapes at that point because the assumptions your

brains have to make in order to understand light have been broken and so it slowly starts

deteriorating.

Does that make sense?

It gets more complex than that.

We don't have to look at it.

I just want you to understand the main concept of this.

So, you don't really know what's going on in this room.

You have a vast amount of little things going inside your brain that give you an experience,

an illusion, a hallucination that certain things are going on in this room.

That hallucination correlates to whatever kind of reality we can experience

sufficiently for you to get a sense of I know what's going on, I can navigate through

this environment, I can succeed.

I'm not going to step in front of a bus because that will kill me, I will eat the

hamburger because it won't – unless of course it will.

You get the idea.

It's a very complex process that the brain makes in a snap.

It just creates this illusion of the ease of this.

What you're beginning to start seeing now literally in your mentalization practice is

how that illusion is constructed.

Now what does this all have to do with the ASH Practice?

Okay, this is an interesting phenomenon but unless you're a hardcore psychologist studying

perception for example, it should mean very little to you.

So, why is this of interest to us?

It's because there's more mental maps going on inside our heads than where the bathroom

is in our apartment or our house.

There are mental maps about what things mean.

Some of them are useful.

There's a bus – it can get you to places.

That's a bus and it's moving towards you quickly.

You better get out of the way.

They mean certain things that are of value and use to you.

Some of those things mean things that aren't of value to you – people don't like me,

I'm not attractive, I can't do this, it's too dangerous and so on.

When you look at a scene, you're actually not seeing the scene.

You're seeing the scene plus the sum total of your life experiences and all the conclusions

you've reasoned from those experiences – or in many cases haven't bothered reasoning

from those experiences.

That's an unconscious form of reasoning.

That's the Law of Association at work there.

So, you will interpret them one way and another person will interpret them another way.

If I dropped you in the middle of a Rave, a lot of you in the slightly older generation

would be there and say this is loud, this is noisy, I hate this, this is like washing

machines exploding everywhere, why would anyone want to be here?

If you throw a teenager into the very same environment, they'd say this is crazy.

Actually they'd probably use a different word that I don't know.

This is a word I don't know!

Yeah!

More word I don't know!

More different word that I haven't even heard about yet!

It's because they're carrying a whole world inside of them and what they see out

there is reflecting that world and therefore it is good, it is fun.

If someone who's not from that generation gets dropped in the same environment, they're

also reflecting a world and this world out here with washing machines exploding hasn't

got Mozart.

What a lonely world that is.

If only they just played Mozart and they dimmed the lights a little bit, like smoother, and

had an armchair, then this Rave would be wicked.

Of course that's an amusing example but let's take a really harsh example of that

same thing.

Two people come out of a concentration camp.

One for the rest of their life will be fearful, terrified, hate the world and think it's

full of mean, ugly, bad people that are out to hurt you.

They will be terrified.

At every point, they will double check and verify and distrust.

That's a very unpleasant life that person has to lead isn't it?

Another person comes out and is determined to make the most out of life.

They have a second lease on life.

They don't do a job that is soul destroyer.

Why?

Life's too short.

They could end up in this place all over again.

Let's make it count what I have left.

The exact same experience – one comes out in Hell and the other one comes out in Heaven.

The experience is not the important thing.

It's what you carry inside that's important.

Those mental maps decide your life.

If your life in any way, shape or form sucks right now, if it's unpleasant, frustrating,

annoying, boring or whatever you want to call it, it's because you're carrying inside

of your world where that portion of the world something unhealthy is going on there, and

therefore you're suffering.

If your life is marvelous, fun, fantastic, filled with delights and gifts, that is also

nothing to do with the world out there.

It's all to do with the world in here.

You are projecting it.

You're adding that stuff onto the sensory stimulation that your senses are getting because

your senses have no mind.

They will process data like a machine almost.

It's what happens in here that matters.

It's the way you make sense of things that matters.

By the way, who here feels themselves stuck in Bucket Land to one extent or another?

A couple of people are putting two hands up.

I understand.

Hallelujah, I'm getting out of Bucket Land.

It's not very helpful to tell you it's your fault.

You have the wrong maps.

You live in the wrong world.

It's not very helpful to you.

It may be true but that's just more blame, unless of course your world goes yes I need

someone who's forthright and tells me the truth no matter how hard it is.

Once again, am I harming you or am I helping you by telling you this?

I don't know.

I can make predictions about what most people's inner worlds look like, which will let me

communicate with a large amount of people, but I'll always get it wrong with some because

I'll never understand the nuances in everyone's internal world.

What we're doing now is we're working up to it slowly, incrementally, safely.

How do we build the world inside ourselves that we actually want to live in?

If you build it in here, you'll start perceiving it out there.

If you start perceiving it out there, you might even be able to change enough things

to make it more permanent.

Do you see where we're going with this?

Do you see how just a few relatively simple exercises are only there to give you a skill

and to start letting you see the mental mechanisms in action, the metacognition, so that you

stop confusing what you think is going on – there's that word again; think is going

on, that's an extra step – with what would be useful for you to see.

Of course there are some boundaries we need to come to grips with, which we'll get into

over the course of the next few days, so you don't fall down the path of self-delusion.

There are self-fulfilling prophecies and there are self-delusions.

What's the difference?

If you think about it, there's a very small difference between one and the other.

This is a question that has vexed me for years.

Am I just being self-delusional?

I'm having all these wonderful things happening, but then again in other ways I am being self-delusional

and there's a very, very narrow boundary where you can go from self-fulfilling prophecy

and just go down the path of self-delusion where nothing happens.

The difference between one and the other has to do with intent and expectation.

A self-fulfilling prophecy happens.

It occurs.

Life changes around you.

In a self-delusion nothing happening outside will ever change because you're disconnected

from it.

So, you don't change the world anymore.

You kind of change yourself to stop the world from intruding on your delusion.

Do you understand the difference?

We all do it by the way.

I do it as much as the next person, but the trick starts becoming how do you spot when

something is a self-delusion and how do you convert it into a self-fulfilling prophecy,

one where the things you want to occur start occurring.

The answer lies in here.

We haven't come close to exploring that yet, but the experience you're starting

to have starts pulling back the curtain so that you can see the Wizard of Oz working

his little machine, so when it comes to the point where you can do something with practically,

you can start changing your internal landscape and that's going to start filtering out

and your external landscape will change, which means your behavior will change.

As soon as your behavior changes, the reactions the world gives you will change, and then

you've changed from a possible delusion to a self-fulfilling prophecy because things

are no longer the same for you.

In self-delusion your behavior doesn't change, which means you don't get different responses

from the world, which means things stay the same but you think they're not.

Again it's a subtle nuance.

Are you beginning to understand?

Isn't it interesting how a small thing, walking down the street and there's kind

of an area I'm hazy about, but I'm just going to let it be hazy for now.

It creates the illusion of a reality for you, so you're not afraid to walk from one end

of the street to the other even though you have no idea what's going on in between.

That's just part of the way your mind does that.

We're going to harness those effects in our favor but not just now.

Enough talking from me for a little while.

Over to you guys.

Do you have any questions or comments on the stuff we've been discussing?

When I was listening to you, I couldn't stop thinking about – I'm an engineer,

so I'm used to deconstructing everything.

It seems to me – I'll give you an example.

For example, this was years ago.

I just started learning skiing and was in Austria and we were there – I don't know,

eight or 10 people and all of them were experienced skiers and I was the only one.

So, the first half day they had patience with me, but then they wanted to go their way.

They wanted to use their time and I fell behind and those damn skis and my body hurts.

Well, two days later I was much better, to cut the long story short.

Is it more prevalent because you said we have a lot of maps, not just one but then there's

one behind.

I think we have lots of different worlds inside of us – at least in my case – they get

triggered by emotions, so they are already there.

Yes.

And I understood you probably not correctly that we've got to construct new worlds,

which to me is much more difficult.

I'm sorry…

Allow me to address the thought I think you're having and then you can correct me if I've

mistaken it.

First of all, I disagree with you.

I think you did understand me correctly.

I agree, we have worlds within worlds within us and they tell us how to react and respond

how to make sense and meaning of things.

Many of the things are great and very useful.

The fact that you're an engineer is only possible because you have an engineering world

inside where things work, and as soon as you put something together that doesn't work,

your inner world looks at it and says it's nothing like any machine we have in here,

that can't work.

Sometimes it's to your disadvantage of course because that's how new machines get built

on different principles.

Then you have to expand that world to make it work.

I agree with you also.

Our task will be to create new worlds – brave new worlds if you like but without those connotations

– that will allow us to have a more satisfying experience of whatever reality we happen to

have around us; hence be more useful and so on.

I also take your point that currently it appears that that may be very difficult.

That's only because we haven't got to that yet.

Okay, what I wanted to say is since there are already a lot of worlds inside of us,

to me it seems like emotions are like light switches.

If you have one emotion, you have access to one world.

If you have another emotion, you have access to a totally different world, totally different

possibilities, chances, dangers and everything.

I agree.

So, now you're talking about state-dependent learning.

You know the earlier rooms inside your mind.

Your happy room will have one world.

Your sad room will have another world.

If you're habitually in the sad room, you can do sad very well and have lots and lots

of wonderful worlds within that.

It's just they're all really sad – and vice versa.

Emotion is not the only way to navigate those worlds, and you can take parts of one world

and put them in another world, but we haven't got even close to doing that stuff yet.

There's no point going there because you'd be saying what's he talking about right

now?

We need to build up those experiences and that's what we're doing right now.

You absolutely guessed correctly.

This is where we're going.

We won't be doing it the way you expect it.

It won't be as direct as you think it is.

It will be a lot easier than you can think of right now, but let's reserve judgment

until we actually get to that portion.

Right now we're still learning the tools that will help us build worlds.

We haven't even got to building worlds yet.

Arthur: I'd just like to clarify in my own mind, I found that when I was describing my

neighborhood, which essentially is my backyard, that I could only do it in very brief detail

because there's a lot to see.

I remember a few years ago at a meeting we had an exercise where we learned to tell a

story, and I remember telling a whole story about opening up a drawer and putting on a

pair of socks in the morning, and that was a detailed story for two or three minutes.

So, I'm trying to understand the difference between those two.

First of all, it comes back to your original question from earlier, which is how much detail

do you give?

You have so much detail in your internal reality that it would take you an hour or two to describe

even the most significant parts of it, and that's just one room for example.

Again, we don't need that.

This is kind of training us for other things.

The fact that you are aware of them is enough.

Just do this for a second.

Close your eyes for a moment and think of a room that you're very familiar with, and

then mentally just notice all the details as quickly as possible and then come back.

Very good.

How long did that take?

A couple of seconds, right?

His eyes are open now, just so you know.

Now do the same thing and describe those same details.

How long would it take you to describe all those details?

At least 20 minutes, a half an hour or something like that.

Maybe even more once you got into the flow of it.

So, this tells you something very important.

Your mind works much more quickly than your capacity to describe it.

Arthur: Especially if told you about what's in each of the books on the shelf.

Exactly, because each of those books becomes a reference point to a new world, which is

another set of information and so on.

This is very important, folks.

Within the context of what we're doing here, I don't care about the descriptions.

The descriptions are totally and utterly irrelevant.

They're merely training wheels to help you stabilize it.

Let me just pick a room.

I'll go to the house I grew up in.

I'm going to pick the front garden.

I'm done.

Why?

Because my attempt to describe it to all of you has stabilized so much that I can see

it vividly.

I can see the tree right there.

I can see the wall covering around there going straight over here, the gate over here.

I don't even have to tell you about the rose bushes.

They're all probably dead because in the wintertime it's cold and they're not there.

There are flower bushes there.

Oh, I can look into the living room.

It's all inside my mind already and I only need to describe it to you enough to make

it vivid for me.

Now there is a point to description at some point to create linguistic talent at bringing

what's inside out.

There is a point to that, so describing is actually a useful skill anyways.

It improves your linguistic talent.

If you're interested in writing for example, like screenwriting and so on – actually

screenwriting will be different.

You don't have to be able to say it out loud for screenwriting but you have to be

able to type it.

Typing and speaking are different skills.

They're related but they're different.

So, if you want to be a writer, then you write out these descriptions.

If you want to be a storyteller, then you have to speak out these descriptions because

neurologically different things are going on at those points.

For our purposes here, we don't care about those things.

Those are specialist uses that we don't care about.

As soon as your internal reality is stable and vivid, you're done, which means I fully

expect some of you as these exercises go along to say something like all right I'm in Paraguay.

I'm there.

Good and then I'll go down… good and then open… yes… good.

So then there's the… yes… good I go outside and.

Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

It's vivid in my mind.

If you're interested I'll give you the tour now in a slightly longer version.

So, I'm in Paraguay in my apartment.

I'm in the guest bedroom.

There are three beds against the wall.

There are kind of green things there.

The blinds are currently down.

So, I'm going to turn around and there's a mirror there and a little commode.

There are some steps going down – that was my going down part, by the way.

So, in front of me is a little kitchenette area.

I'm going to open the fridge.

These actions start making sense to you now but they've been making sense to me way,

way before that.

This is not a hypnosis training.

It's not a coaching training.

This is not a communication training.

I do not care if the person sitting next to you has any idea what is going on as you're

describing these things.

You're describing it for you, not for them.

As soon as it's vivid inside your mind, if you want you can move on.

If you enjoy it, by all means describe some things, but then you're doing it just for

the amusement value or for the linguistic value to connect descriptions of your internal

experience, which will be very important for those of you who want to be able to then describe

metacognition to others.

That way you can link language to experiences but don't be surprised if they have no idea

what you're talking about or completely misunderstand you because they don't share

the experiences.

Does this make sense to you?

Incidentally if you do this exercise again, I recommend you use the other door – the

one that goes to the outside world, the front door in other words – and walk about your

neighborhood rather than your garden because there will just be more experiences there,

specifically because you less time in them.

Would it be safe to say that a self-fulfilling prophecy versus self-delusion is that a self-fulfilling

prophecy gets validated by the outside world?

Yes and no.

See, I know it now.

Now the challenge is turning this into an actual description, right?

Let's put it this way.

A self-delusion can't handle a world disagreeing with it and so it will do everything possible

to avoid being aware of the disagreement, either because you remove yourself from those

environments because they're too challenging, or because a self-defense mechanism kicks

in and you change external reality to suit what you think it should be doing because

it will keep your illusion protected.

YouTube is a wonderful place to discover this.

If you want to see self-delusion in action, YouTube is a winner.

There is an amount of people on YouTube who will tell you what their reality is – bless

them – and in the same breath will demonstrate how it's not true for them and they don't

even realize it.

Let's take anyone who is a fundamentalist, not just in a religious sense but at anything,

someone who thinks this is the only way it can be and everyone else is wrong.

I saw a wonderful video of a woman who was kind of a fundamentalist like this, who is

possibly the most hate-filled person I've ever witnessed in my entire life.

I mean she's got the twisty eye thing going on.

She's got the rhetoric and the condemnation of everyone around her, and she can find fault

in every single thing and it's bitter.

You can feel the emotions coming out of the TV screen and it's hurtful and the person

isn't even there.

This is the bit that gets me.

At the end of this whole rant, she comes up with a comment to the effect of 'but thankfully

I'm the most relaxed, easy-going person there is.'

That is a wonderful example of a self-delusion because she has no awareness of how un-easy-going

she really is and if anyone ever held a mirror up to her and said look, what's going on

here, that's not being easy here – one of two responses will occur.

One is she'll get angry with you, which is a defense mechanism to kick out the information,

or the other one is she just won't see it – what are you talking about?

Look how nice I'm being to them.

I'm telling them what their faults are so they can fix them.

That is the way self-delusion maintains itself.

Now let's turn this into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

A self-fulfilling prophecy maintains itself despite contradictions in reality.

So, let's take the same kind of hateful person who wants to be an easy-going person,

and at the end of it let's just change a slight nuance in her mindset.

Instead of saying I'm the most easy-going person she might say 'just watch me, in

time I'll be so easy-going that none of this will matter.'

That's accepting reality and being willing to change it, interact with it differently,

and that's when you start getting different responses from the world.

Just by putting that little frame at the end there – that little admission that I'm

not there yet – who here felt different about that woman as I just described her?

Hands up.

That's how the self-fulfilling prophecy works.

The first person is so hateful and can't even see it.

What will you likely do?

Avoid them or fight with them depending on your mindset.

Are you as likely to fight with the second person?

Are you more likely to give them a second chance and hang out with them just in case

it helps them out?

That's a self-fulfilling prophecy in action right there.

They're willing to engage with the reality that is other than the one that they know

will ultimately happen.

So, in a mixture – a symbiosis – there's a feedback loop between themselves and the

outside world.

If they change their behavior, the outside world responds with a different reaction,

which changes their behavior further, their reaction goes further and bit by bit, increment

by increment depending on how far they have to go, they will start changing the course

of their ship to a new position and then they'll travel there.

Let's imagine we have a flat world theory, you know the one where you fall off the edge

of the world if your ship travels too far.

The self-delusional person will say no, the world is round by definition.

I shall keep on sailing and when they get to the edge of the world they fall off.

When the sailors say look there's nothing there, we're going to fall off, they'll

say don't be silly, when we get to it you'll see I'm right, and they go right off the

edge.

The self-fulfilling prophecy on the other hand says all right we're now going to circumnavigate

the globe.

We're getting closer to the edge, so let's stay right a bit more and right a bit more.

Oh look, I found a whole new country.

I told you we'd do it.

Do you understand the subtle distinction there?

We've spent a lot of time on this now and technically it's not really part of what

we're doing here, but hopefully the experiences you've had so far today kind of feed into

what you're doing here.

You're beginning to start seeing your mental mechanisms in action.

The next step will be to start creating safe environments to explore whatever delusions

are keeping you the way you are right now.

I have them, you have them, we all have them but the problem is we're fish in water.

We can't see what's going on and that's precisely because we can't change it.

It's a feedback loop.

I don't know it's happening, so I can't see it, so I can't do anything about it.

So, it happens again.

I can feel the experience of it.

I can only infer it and that's a very difficult thing to do.

Luckily, I have an unconscious mind that knows a little bit more about this stuff than I

do, that sees things plainly without as many things added on top of it that I've added

on top of that, and that's the loophole that will give me freedom.

Have you heard the phrase a psychotic insight?

I'll just explain that very briefly.

Psychosis of course for many people is a very terrible thing.

Incidentally if you look at Shamanic practices, the best Shamans tend to be psychotic.

They've merely mastered their psychosis sufficiently to become great healers, which

is an interesting point, which I think our model of medicine might learn from somewhat,

but that's neither here nor there for now.

When someone is having a psychotic break, one of the things that tends to happen is

their meaning-making mechanisms alter, they change.

They'll see reality almost without the filters that put meaning onto things, which is why

things can seem really bizarre.

So, on occasion they'll see something that no one else can notice because we've all

filtered it out.

We've all deluded ourselves it's not going on and they'll go right to the point and

say this is going on, and people will say how the hell does he know that?

It's because we're all so polite, we've deluded ourselves that we can't see it,

we're not supposed to see it.

Does that make senses?

In some respects, you'll be able to develop a kind of psychotic insight into yourself,

into places where you are stuck and suddenly you'll see it and say huh, wow, I never

thought that was possible but clearly that's why it was.

Is this helpful to you?

We've kind of fallen down the philosophy track a little bit.

I'd like to be able to prove more of that to you in terms of your experiences, but that

really is not going to happen until day four or five.

We're setting up reference experiences so that you'll be able to do that kind of work.

We're not even close to that yet.

Thank you for that.

That was kind of an interesting discussion so far.

Are there any other comments or questions on what we covered there?

For more infomation >> Self Hypnosis Talk: Perception Is Projection - Duration: 8:49.

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Decoding Dress | Self Expression (Ep. 1) - Duration: 4:44.

Hey, it's Helene, and on this edition of Decoding Dress

we are taking on a little something called self expression.

(upbeat hip hop music)

I am sure that you've heard

a rendition of this phrase before:

"Clothing is a vehicle for expressing

exactly who you are and how you want to be seen."

So the woman I view as the fairy godmother

of self expression through fashion, Iris Apfel.

She said this during a talk

at the Metropolitan Museum of Art:

"Most people don't find their personal style

because it can be very, very, stressful.

To find out who you are is like putting yourself

on a psychiatric couch, but you have nobody to help you.

Really, it isn't easy."

If Iris says it isn't easy, I mean,

come on now, it's just not that easy.

That's why we're talking about this,

and why I'm introducing you to Anthia Lott.

So she's someone I refer to as

a fearless designer and dresser; here's why.

When I design something I want it to be,

I want it to say something,

because when I buy clothes I always put a dialog to it,

so it's like, "Okay, does this make my ass look great,"

or, "Does this bra make my boobs look bigger,"

so I like to put that in my designs, but I also wanna push

people to trying something that they normally wouldn't try.

See?

I told you, pretty fearless.

Anthia's boutique fashion line is called

Etched in Black and it has a fairly fierce mission.

Like I see Etched in Black as like this crazy closet

of this crazy aunt that you had that everybody

just loves going and taking pieces out of it,

and eventually wearing it in something in their life.

It's funny because I actually see it in my nieces.

They're younger than me and they're smaller than me

but they keep coming in like, "Yeah, you know,

I wanna wear this," so I kinda wanna have that feeling.

Stop there.

Don't some of you remember when you were a kid

and you insisted on dressing yourself,

so you would pull together these really fly outfits,

I mean I remember those days, they were awesome.

Why?

Because you felt amazing.

You were also young enough to still have a sense

of fashion innocence which unfortunately pretty much

drops by the wayside when you're seven or eight years old

and you get teased for something that you're wearing.

That can impact your view of clothing.

So fashion psychologist Dawn Karen says,

"Some people think fashion is just superficial,"

come on now, you know it's deeper than that.

Karen suggests people dress from the inside out,

meaning put on clothes based on how you feel.

And I'll add, how you want to feel

and what you want to project.

Now that seems like a good first step

in self expression through your wardrobe.

Okay, back to designer Anthia Lott.

It's hard for a lot of people 'cause you have to be

really comfortable with who you are and understanding that.

I know it's like, really philosophical

and it's just clothes, but, you know,

something that simple can, I don't know, bring forth

something else, you never know, it's all interconnected.

So here's what Anthia suggests, and it's good.

Arrange a dress-up party for you and your friends.

So you pick a home for the event, bring some food over,

and you must bring over those, "I don't know what to do

with these clothing pieces," and try them on.

Have fun, get feedback, see how you feel in certain

clothing items and see if they bring out your personality,

make a mental note, and incorporate that carefree attitude

when you approach a wardrobe from here on out.

So let's recap before we go.

Number one.

Finding your personal style isn't easy,

but once you jump in and try, it is worth it.

Here's why, number two.

You'll discover more about yourself and you'll learn

how to express yourself through, of all things, clothing.

So how do you do it?

Number three.

Start by having a good old-fashioned dress-up play date.

Experiment with different styles

and then test them out after the party.

We know that not every look will be a winner,

but you will eventually find those outfits that say,

"World, this is who I am," and that will feel so good.

I'm Helene Biandudi Hofer and this is

the Empty Hanger's Decoding Dress.

Do you have other self expression

through dress tips that work for you?

If so, connect with me on our social channels

and tell me all about them.

I will see you next time.

(upbeat hip hop music)

For more infomation >> Decoding Dress | Self Expression (Ep. 1) - Duration: 4:44.

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Connected Threads | Dear Angie, Do Work Dress Codes Kill Self Expression? - Duration: 3:07.

(mellow synthesizer music)

Angie, I want you to picture this:

Vintage faux fur jackets, tight pleather pants,

knee-high boots, gold hoop earrings, a head full of curls,

or those Beyonce cornrows that you loved,

and shoulder bags loaded down with textbook

after textbook, and tons of notepads.

Who are the women in that picture?

That was us.

And I have to ask you what in the world were we thinking?

The walkways throughout that campus were

like catwalks for us, and I cringe every single time

I think about it.

And as I think about it now, it is,

it's so, aaghh!

But you gotta admit, we had so much fun

playing dress-up on campus.

We never had any trouble outfitting our wardrobes.

But we were college students then.

I mean, that was the whole point

was to have fun with what we were wearing.

But now, you're an attorney living in D.C.

A fashionista working in a career field where really,

women and men have this kind of cookie-cutter like look.

A look that some might call dowdy.

And I think if you were to ask someone,

"What does a female attorney look like?"

They would have this image of dark skirt suit,

white collar top, kitten-toe heels,

and maybe, maybe, maybe, a little strand of pearls.

Do you feel like you've been forced to mold your style

into one that may not necessarily speak to your love

and appreciation for fashion, and you feel like you

had to do this in order to portray a certain type of image?

Or, do you still find ways to say through your clothing,

this is me?

Would you ever bring out that faux fur vintage coat again

and rock it to the courthouse or a meeting with a client?

Would you do it?

That faux fur coat went right back to the consignment store

where we go it however many years ago.

What were we thinking walking around campus

at AU with crazy colors?

I guess we were trying to look for our sense of identity

and expression as we were coming into our own.

I've been fortunate enough, currently,

to work for a supervising associate general counsel

who very much encourages us to use fashion

and a sense of being able to express who we are

and our personalities.

Now, in my prior career working in private practice,

I was encouraged to have a more conservative appearance,

but at each point in time, you find a way

to be able to blend both of them.

(cheerful instrumental synthesizer music)

For more infomation >> Connected Threads | Dear Angie, Do Work Dress Codes Kill Self Expression? - Duration: 3:07.

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Conscious Business 101 - Vlog #1 Self-Awareness - Duration: 3:26.

For more infomation >> Conscious Business 101 - Vlog #1 Self-Awareness - Duration: 3:26.

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How People Pleasing Hides Your True Self - Duration: 8:13.

It's Therapy Thursday hi Sam uh I had a friend you all know her more than a

friend [laughter] Michelle asked me a question that

inspired this Therapy Thursday and so I have a story for you

there once was a girl who was a dancer and her dad's favorite style of dance

was tap and so was hers because she's loud and tap dancing is loud and it's

showy and that little girl was a lot was dramatic had a lot of emotions much like

she is now me and that little girl somewhere along the line from the

messages of the world maybe her family of origin her own traumas losses and

tragedies like two back surgeries in high school and a year in a body cast and

failed in fertility treatments learned this truth that she thought was a truth

that she had to tap dance to be loved she had to perform she had to earn

attention and love and somewhere along the lines morphs into people pleasing

and caretaking right like I think these are characteristics that especially

women wear as badges of honor unfortunately maybe it's because we have

this natural nurturer and us maybe it's because of the messages of the world

maybe it's shame maybe it's all of it whatever it might be what I know now 18

years into working in mental health five years really working this journey myself

and four of those over four of those years being trained in shame resilience

by Brene people-pleasing and caretaking are armors that you put on because

you're scared shitless to show up in your life they're armors

that you put on because you don't believe in your worthiness so you people

please you never say no and you take care of everyone else over you so you

caretake which is different than nurturing you caretake and you do

things for people that they need to be doing for themselves you go and above

and beyond what you ever get back in that relationship and that is not

because we keep a scorecard because we never keep scorecards in relationships

and yet we also know when we are being sucked dry by a relationship in your

caretaking my mom is a caretaker it's where I get

my love of people and helping and service from and what I also know is

that when I don't have my boundaries I work harder than people in my life I

work harder at helping them change their life

and that ain't my freaking job it's your job to change your life I will serve you

by shining my light out of your darkness and teaching you some of the skills the

language the tools but it is not my job to change your life I will not caretake

you into your happiness not my responsibility and I'm not gonna people

please the world anymore I'm not going to tap dance cuz I don't need to I'm

enough because I was needed I'm just enough I don't need to earn someone's

love or prove anything to the world and when I people please and caretake when

you people please and caretake you're not showing up you're not showing who

you really are to the people who love you most

and yep it'll be pretty uncomfortable to start to say no and to set boundaries

and the people in your life probably won't like it at first

and yet that resentment that is slowly poisoning you and that lack of love that

you have for yourself that you are constantly giving from an empty vat to

everyone else will start to fill up because you do the practices of saying

no of setting boundaries of asking for what you want and need and not caretaking

and people-pleasing your way into worthiness because you can't that is not

where your worthiness lies

you're already worthy you simply must start to behave in that way I say this a

lot to my friends like when I'm sure I I know I am judged for being selfish when

I stopped doing shit I don't want to do the happiness that came into my life [sigh 'oooh']

and the service that I put out into the world had massive ripple effects because

I stopped doing shit I don't want to do I said no I set boundaries I still do

and because I do those things I can serve more I serve the world more with

my gifts so I want you to really be honest with yourself is your people

pleasing and caretaking and or serving you is it serving the world or is it

really an armor that you put on to deal with

shame and unworthiness and because you're scared to death to truly show up

in your life I'm willing to bet it's an armor it is not the best quality of who

you are and especially women we have got to stop identifying ourselves with only

the roles that we play to other people

that's what I've got

alright I'll respond to your comments typing perhaps I will see you tomorrow

for Faith Wrestle Friday not sure yet as usual please head over to YouTube to

subscribe I broke 500 halfway there to monetization and I will also my 777

Happy Challenge starts June 11th but you can sign up any time Oh perfect timing

the dogs are going crazy I will post the link in the comments below

so thank you for watching I would love to read your comments and your questions

so please make sure to comment below make it a great day

For more infomation >> How People Pleasing Hides Your True Self - Duration: 8:13.

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Waymo to launch first ride-hailing service with fleet of self-driving vehicles - Duration: 2:50.

For more infomation >> Waymo to launch first ride-hailing service with fleet of self-driving vehicles - Duration: 2:50.

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Spring Self Care - Duration: 4:01.

Winters are long here.

One of my instructors mentioned yesterday

that there are only three seasons on campus:

fall at the beginning,

summer in the end,

and a massive chunk of winter in the middle.

This is some snow from a week ago:

And it'll be 80 degrees in three weeks, if not two.

But I'm going to pretend

spring is here.

Where the days are getting longer,

and the pants are getting shorter

and the walk to class doesn't require

a scarf and

three pairs of wool socks.

And last semester,

there was just one too many of those

late-night, or, early morning

walks back from studio, and let me tell you,

'twas cold.

So with that in mind, I'm reinforcing

some habits of self-care that slipped away

last semester,

speaking them out loud and holding

myself accountable.

I'm going to stick close to the wisdom of

the seasonal change.

I think it's time to copy the trees,

they know how it's done.

It's the time for rejuvenation, for reorganization,

for stress-free mornings

and clear skin and

bringing colorful clothes back into my closet.

And I've decided

it's also time to treat myself,

not senselessly, but instead making

a figurative investment into happiness and well-being.

So I'm going to share

some of those little goodies too.

Since the days of acne have come and hopefully gone,

I've been slowly replacing parts of

my skincare routine with natural products.

Now that the harsh ingredients are less necessary,

it's time to truly respect and nourish my skin.

So I bought this clay mask,

which is a very cheap and very effective

natural clay powder,

and I mix it with apple cider vinegar

and brush it on my face.

The whole process is therapeutic,

and it feels good to clear up my skin and keep it clear.

I've also been waking up earlier,

though we'll see how long that lasts.

But while it does,

I've noticed how mornings can become

a time for self-reflection and meditation,

and just preparing myself for the day.

I've also started making myself breakfast.

In high school, I didn't really eat breakfast.

But I do see the value in it:

even something small and simple

is just enough to keep me

focused through my morning lectures.

It's the perfect time to feed my brain

with nutrients and get a good start to my day.

I've also been cleaning out all my stuff.

I've had this theory for a while:

long winters

equals

pile up.

There's no denying it.

So I've just been trying to clean out,

little by little,

donating clothes I don't use enough,

getting rid of old papers,

and reorganizing every and any space.

And of course,

squeezing in a bit of dancing time in there too.

It's always time to dance.

I hope you feel inspired to join me and nature

on this seasonal shift

and craft some habits of your own.

This is advice to me too-

but let's try not to mount the pressure,

self-care is not an overnight process,

but we can do it if we stick with it.

This spring seems like a promising one,

and every day is a new opportunity to make progress.

And step by step, it'll happen.

It's time.

For more infomation >> Spring Self Care - Duration: 4:01.

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Listen: VIXX's Leo Gifts Fans With Inspiring Self-Written Solo Track About Chasing Your "Dream" - Duration: 1:25.

VIXX's Leo surprised fans with a new solo track! On June 1, the singer dropped "Dream," a gorgeous track he co-composed with AVGS (Hyun Jae Wook) and penned lyrics for

Soompi.Display.News.English.300x250.BTF Soompi.Mobile.English.300x250.ATF The lyrics are both a self-reflection and encouragement, as he looks back on when he first started chasing his dreams, how far he has come, and resolves to remain steadfast

He also reassures listeners that it's okay to feel lost and dejected, and sends an inspiring message of not giving up on your dreams

Meanwhile, VIXX recently celebrated their sixth debut anniversary on May 24 and held their fifth solo concert "VIXX LIVE — Lost Fantasia" on May 26-27