advice to my pre fertility treatment self
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fertility fam? How are you I hope you are well you are new here welcome hit
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back I hope everybody is well I'm glad that you clicked on this and you want to
hang out with me for a while I want to talk about what I would tell my pre
infertility self or my pre assistant reproductive technology about to go
through this IVF stuff self I have notes so I'm gonna look down number one be
careful what you share with whom I have been extremely transparent about my
journey here on this channel as well as in real life IRL and I don't know that
it has served me well not that I think that I should have lied or that I should
have not said as much as I did I think the timing was the issue having it in
real time because I am a daily vlogger putting it out there before I knew what
was going to happen was difficult and even though the channel before I went
into IVF treatment was on a two-week delay I still didn't know how things are
going to play out so it was just a lot it was a lot and everyone had questions
and I was not prepared to answer in my mind whatever was in the video was fair
game for questions but for you guys you were like oh that day it was two weeks
ago are you pregnant are you pregnant are
you pregnant it is yeah so just to avoid the are you pregnant question over and
over again I would not have shared so much so soon I would have kept that a
little more intimate as far as people that I trust
said with my emotional well-being and who understood how fragile I was who was
you know they were seeing me in real time and not that I don't think that any
of the fam was not being supportive I just don't think they knew how fragile I
was I don't think you guys knew how fragile I was at that time and so you
know it's nothing to be passing by and like I don't think people were prepared
for the answer if the answer is no I'm assuming so they were just hey are you
pregnant are you pregnant as if if it were no I should just type it in there
you know what I mean so it was a little premature I think my Sharon was a little
premature so that's the first thing that I would tell myself right be careful
what you share and with whom the second thing I would tell my people fertility
shave myself people are going to judge you and it's okay people are gonna judge
you when it's okay so I got a lot of flack about it at 47 going through that
people said things like why would you wake up at 47 and want to have a kid
well it's the same reason I woke up at 23 you wanted to advocate oh there's
this natural maternal instinct that was calling me someone asked well why would
you go through IVF I've only seen people at your age to go through IVF when they
are getting remarried and their husband or partner doesn't have their own
biological children which is kind of sad you know that you think that a woman can
only have a child if it's to please a man or if it has something to do with
the man I wanted and still want a child for myself to raise and to mother and so
yeah at 47 without a partner who's gonna raise the child with me right and
without a parent to co-parent I want to have another child so yeah people are
gonna judge you it's okay people thought I should go for donor eggs and you know
it's a very personal choice whether someone is going to adopt whether
someone's gonna do a donor egg whether someone's gonna do a donor embryo it is
an extremely personal choice and so people are gonna judge they're gonna
have comments and it's gonna be okay I think as long as we are grounded in
our beliefs and we are clear on what our heart wants and what our mind can handle
we'll be ok so that's what I would tell my pre fertility treatment self people
are going to judge you and it's okay the third thing I would tell myself
people are going to try and manipulate you don't let them and what I mean by
that is there are people who came forward who wanted to know a lot of
information and again I feel I was really transparent as I said when I
entered the first question and yet there were people who wanted to know more who
wanted to know it sooner and all I can do is all I can do like emotionally what
I can do and I will say these people were not seeing me on a day-to-day basis
so they don't know like emotionally what toll it was taking on me and they were
just like well I told you about my journey and you should tell me and where
were you but they had so many questions and so many questions I didn't know how
it helped either of us like how many days that I take meds and how many cells
were my was my embryo it was a lot and so when I didn't respond the way they
thought that I should then they were like well I thought we were better
friends than that or I oh you don't trust me or they would be mad at me and
not talk to me for a few days and it's just manipulative it's manipulative
because it is inconsiderate of my feelings and what I am going through and
it is making it about that person which is just not fair like it is a huge
immerse emotional person burden excursion expenditure it's a huge
emotional expenditure be going through this and says have someone who is
playing with your heartstrings about your relationship with them it's
manipulative and so don't came in as what I would tell myself which I did it
for the most part but it was painful and it was hard and to be dealing with that
and going through the treatment so it was it was challenging so I think if I
would have warned myself ahead of time I didn't know so I
I would tell my pre fertility so people are gonna try to manipulate you don't
let them the next thing I would tell myself you are stronger and braver than
you ever imagined or is it more brave you were more strong or stronger and
more brave than you ever imagined and oh my god I you don't know how strong you
are until it is tested until your mettle is tested and again and again on this
journey of my mettle has been tested and I am way stronger than I ever imagined
and I always say that I'm strong because I have to be not because I want to be
but it's not sure I want to be I want to be that strong I wanted to get through
it and I'm proud of myself so that's what I would tell myself you were
stronger and my camera is about to die all right I'm back to finish the video
the camera died and it's on a charger now hopefully I got this angle right so
yes I did check the gate so I know where it was I am extremely proud of myself
for my strength and my bravery and it is a choice I could have chosen to crumble
and not move forward there were a lot of twists and turns there were a lot of
opportunities for me to turn back I could have aborted when I only had three
follicles and like abort mission abort mission and gone die you are not done
anything else and so I made a conscious decision to move forward to be strong
and so I haven't heard of myself so I would tell myself yeah you are stronger
and more brave than you could have ever imagined and I'm proud of you for that
itself and then the last thing I ever tell myself you were going to need a
plan including an exit strategy you don't have to share it see number one
having a plan having an exit strategy ended up being monumental for me
I want to be clear because I am probably going to the exit strategy that I had in
mind is probably not like the real exit strategy but at that moment that is what
the plan wasn't that is what a plan is it's for something that is a moment in
time it's like a project right and then things change so once I got organized
and really planning out what could happen and what I needed to happen I
felt so much better about the process like I was scared shitless about IVF I
mean I shared it in a video if you haven't seen that video I'll link it
over here but I was scared and I think once I like buckle down wrote everything
down had like my goals cuz I had the vision board before but had the goals
and actively worked the goals then I felt okay things are not so out of
control right there are only so many things within a reproductive technology
or fertility treatments that you can control so much is out of your control
and there are things that you can and that gave me comfort like I could
control what I was eating if I was exercising those kinds of things I had a
plan around that I had a plan on what might go or no-go was for moving forward
in the cycle and I don't think I shared this on the channel but my no go was
like if the doctors tell me absolutely hell no they didn't you know they talked
me through what was going on dr. McCulloh my doctor was not here she was
on holiday when I was going through those crucial points she had prepared me
ahead of time which was great she prepared me for multiple scenarios like
she talked to me about fresh or frozen and what the pros and cons were for that
for transfer she talked to me about number of follicles and all sorts of
things and so I had that in my head ahead of time and she was clear it's too
soon to make all of those decisions but here kind of the decision points when it
comes to that about why we might go left or right and factors to consider which
is interesting is on the channel a lot of you guys are like you should
absolutely do frozen and wanted to have spirited debate with me and about what
your doctors had said and I always thought well like I'm not seeing your
doctor so do you want me to make a medical decision based on what a doctor
said who's never treated me that didn't make sense to me but I we're all very
passionate about like the decisions that were making and what our doctors say
right which is good we should believe in our doctors we're paying them and we're
entrusting our health and our future with them so we should believe in them
we should be passionate about it but at some point anything we have to know what
to say uncle but anyway that's not this video I felt informed about those things
and I felt empowered by the information that dr. McConnell gave me God bless her
and so those are the things I could control having information understanding
what was going on having those conversations ahead of time what I can
eat how much I was sleeping not drinking alcohol not having dairy those sorts of
things and it made me feel good and then having the exit strategy saying I'm only
doing this one cycle more than anything to help me get through the cycle because
as I did the shots and the needles and oh my god when I did that trigger shot
by myself through my thigh I got through it by saying you only have to do this
once you only have to do this once you're only gonna do one round of IVF or
this is it deep breaths and I had to like set the needle down and walk away
set but I got through it and that was part of it more than anything I think
not that I was like you don't have to do it once like that's what I excited
talked me through with that I was clear on what my path was at that point I
wasn't like oh my god I'm gonna have to do this 20 more times or oh my god I
can't believe I'm doing this it was just like very pointed Jews once your baby is
waiting and that helped that really helped so yeah that is what I would tell
my pre fertility treatment self have a plan including an exit strategy and the
footnote to that is to be flexible right what is that there's some
saying about if you oh if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans it's
very true when going through fertility treatments so you have to be flexible so
you can have this plan but you have to know that things are going to change
things are subject to change things are not decided until they're decided and so
that is what I would tell my pre fertility self as well go with the flow
like have a plan but be flexible be agile be nimble whatever phrasing you
want to use because things change and they change quickly they change quickly
for example I had the five follicles then I had the three follicles the
decision to go or not go and again because I was like unless they tell me
now I'm going and then to go the retrieval and to have one egg retrieved
and then have that fertilized so like that night of like waiting to find out
if that one egg fertilized was dreadful but I was faithful and I prayed and then
it didn't fertilized and then moving forward and knowing that then that then
I was having the three-day transfer and be willing to do that I wasn't overly
committed to the five-day transfer it was whatever was my best chance of
bringing home a baby I think in all things and you know obviously I have a
24 year old and so I've gone through childbirth but I think it applies to
that as well like not being too committed to like your birth plan and
everything else being flexible whatever keeps mommy safe whatever keeps baby
safe my birth plan was kind of turned on its ear when I had Cheyenne and I think
yeah I've shared that with you guys before I'll link it here when I was
telling Cheyenne about her birth story yeah just being flexible so I'm glad I
got through it I am stronger wiser braver more courageous on this side of
it that that I am grateful I was gonna be
grateful no matter what irrespective of the outcome the journey God's providing
for me to have that journey and blessing me throughout it in so many ways
strengthening my faith increasing my patience the Lord knows he knows that I
need help with that Oh increasing my patience and so many
good things so I learned so many lessons I'm grateful for the entire experience
but if I could go back in time and tell that those five things to my pre
fertility treatments out that's what I would say what about you guys those of
you who've gone through the treatments what would you tell yourself is there
anything that you wish you knew ahead of time or had the insight ahead of time
that you think would have helped comment art for those of you who've gone through
multiple treatments I guess were there things that you learned like by the
second treatment that you didn't know after the first treatment what would you
tell your pre fertility self I'm dying to know let me know down below if you
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