Now I've been working on The Checkout for roughly the same amount of time I was at high school
or about the length of World War Two, but even though I know my way around a consumer issue
that doesn't stop me being pummeled with consumer advice now that
You're pregnant!
Oh god.
This is so damn exciting!
How did you get my address?
Now if there's one thing I know
is that it's vital that your child gets a good education
that seems fair enough..
In the womb!
There it is.
Read these!
VO: Make baby smarter in the womb! Feed your baby's brain during pregnancy.
After all you're researching for two now!
I don't think there's a way to make your foetus smarter.
You're right, it's not one way. There's
VO: Five, eight, nine wonderful ways to boost baby's IQ while in the womb
Starting with the Baby Plus prenatal education system
because your womb is the perfect classroom.
What is it?
You fasten it to your belly and your baby
gets its lesson! It's learning right now!
That's it?
That's just lesson one! We can go to the
advanced lesson four.
It sounds like a mother's heartbeat!
It sounds like the world's lamest nightclub in my uterus!
Baby Plus babies reach developmental milestones earlier.
They have improve school readiness, strong learning skills later in life and longer
attention spans. And it provides baby's very first comparing and contrasting.
Well contrast those claims with this study in the Journal of Perinatal Medicine which
found that pregnancy music belts seemed to be a useless tool for foetal
development. So don't waste your $300?
For the more budget-conscious uterus
stimulation why not consider the Make Way for Baby DVD. After all, stimulated
babies tend to show signs of accelerated development.
There's no scientific basis for that.
Well then why does this page say scientific basis?
I have no idea, it doesn't refer to a single study, and as for fundamental
concepts "in order to have adequate development the brain should be intact."
Oh it's so true! You know you should also listen to this ultrasound music for the unborn child.
Tender lullabies?
Oh you will be tender after playing it through this $200 speaker that you stick straight up your
Please no.
Because as we all know the only way a baby can really hear music is vaginally.
Okay listen there is no evidence that playing music to your foetus
makes it smarter. If you like the classical tunes or whatever the hell
this is:
Then go nuts! But chances are it sounds pretty muffled and weird to your baby
in fact playing music loud enough for a foetus to hear it properly could actually
damage the mother's hearing. And putting ear buds here or anywhere could damage
the foetus's ears!
Music for a foetus, you guys are getting way ahead of yourselves!
Thank you!
You need to select the baby's sex first!
Oh god help me.
And if God won't help you, use these Select A Sex maternal patches! They're
full of all sorts of sexy stuff like royal jelly, "pornagrantes",
Oh no wonder
it's 78% effective in sex "slection"
And what, these patches
"create a preferential environment for an X or V sperm"? They can't even spell the
letter Y!
I bet their mom didn't use the Baby Plus prenatal education system!
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