- Have you ever had the pain point
where you perceive yourself different
than everybody else around you?
You know, you think you're this great, amazing person
and other people around you are being mean.
Or maybe sometimes you're like down on yourself,
but everyone's like no you're awesome,
I love you, what's wrong?
I love you.
If you ever had that it's like there's
this challenge sometimes between ourself perception
and how other people perceive us
so the first thing you have to do
is make sure every single day
that you have a very clear intention for who you wanna be.
I know you've been watching my YouTube,
hopefully for a long time, and you hear me talk about this.
You can't keep bumbling into each day
and just reacting all day.
You have to have an intention for like
what kind of person do I want to show up to the world as?
Like how do I want to be perceived?
And be really clear about that.
Don't just like wander into social situations
all throughout high school, all throughout college,
all throughout your professional life
showing up as you do normally.
Instead go, how do I really want to be in this situation?
How do I wanna feel in this situation?
How do I wanna treat people in this situation?
How do I want other people to perceive me
not in some kind of method of conformity,
but rather like what's the real me?
If you can't articulate the real you,
please don't ask other people to figure it out.
If you're not clear about your own values,
how you want the world to see you
and what you want to accomplish,
please don't ask the world to know
who you are and what you're about.
So it begins with that intention,
that clarity of self first.
You gotta do the homework,
you gotta do the personal development,
you gotta read the books,
you gotta geek out on figuring out your values,
your drives, how you wanna show up to people,
what your goals are, 'cause if you don't know it
I promise you we're never gonna figure it out.
And I think a lot of people are really miserable
in their life because they're like no one understands me,
but they don't understand themselves,
or they don't understand themselves
and communicate who they are.
So it all begins with intention, all begins with clarity.
You gotta start by defining yourself
and every day look at it.
I mean, like, literally every day,
like what are the words that should
define how you're gonna be today?
I have people write that down every single day.
Like I wanna be a person who is
and write it out.
I wanna treat other people like this.
'Cause if every day you show up as that person
and you treat people like this,
then integrity starts happening in your life.
you have that congruence of being who you really wanna be,
and more people see you on a consistent basis
being like you versus scatter shock just reacting
or conforming or trying to fit in.
Now when you know you and you show up as you more often,
they go, I get you.
So the second big thing you can do is learn by discussion.
This is the hardest thing to do,
and what this means is ask other people
how they perceive you.
I mean, it's the hardest thing,
but let's say you got a job and you have a great meeting
and you feel good about the meeting.
Lots of people walk out and just go celebrate
and they'll go, well I guess I did a great job.
Instead, ask other people like,
how did that meeting go for you?
How do you think I did?
Was there anything else I could do better?
How do you think of the way I talked to this person?
Is there anything that you feel like I missed?
And just start asking other people to share
their perceptions of you and your performance.
It is the gutsiest, scariest thing
in the world for people to do,
because most people don't want feedback.
But if you never solicit feedback,
if you're not consistent in asking for it,
then people just don't say it,
and then one day they're like well I think you're like this,
and you're like how could you say that?
We've been in a relationship for 10 years.
And they're like I guess you never asked.
So you gotta ask.
Ask consistently and constantly in almost everything you do.
Be like, how was that?
Did I come across as this?
I was trying to go for that, did it work?
I mean, even as we're shooting this video,
you know today I shot a couple of these,
and I asked my team, I'm like,
did you think that was like too slow?
Was it too fast?
Did I get my points across?
'Cause if you don't ask that you don't know.
And a lot of the external feedback that comes from others
can give you the real direction for how to be better.
I know it's scary.
I know it's like, well people might say negative things,
but if you realize all you're trying to do is learn,
not judge, everything goes fine.
If all you're trying to do is say,
hey, just give me the honest feedback
and don't worry about saying it exactly right.
I won't get hooked, I won't get mad.
You gotta actually have those conversations with people.
Allow them to share the feedback
and don't take it personally.
Take it as a learning point that either applies
and is true for you or not.
Like, I get a lot of feedback,
I'm like, I don't agree with that, that's not true.
I don't think that's true for me,
I'll try to do better next time
to make sure that that doesn't happen.
But I don't ever hold it against other people.
Now is it true that some people are gonna be mean to you?
Is it true some people are gonna call you names?
Is it true some people are gonna be hard on you?
Yeah, that's part of life.
So don't be surprised by it anymore.
You're too old now to be surprised
by other people being a jerk to you.
You should know that it's gonna happen.
You should know people are gonna give you negative feedback
and what you have to do is start learning
to take feedback from people who know how to deliver it.
If someone gives terrible feedback
and they're a terrible jerk and they're always that way,
man, don't take that personally.
Just know that that's their style,
that's their thing, that's their life,
that's their, you know, ax to grind, not yours.
You wanna find the people in your life
who know how to give good feedback.
And you wanna ask them for more of it
the third thing you can do is make sure
that you're doing progress checks.
I know a lot of people who feel like,
you know what, I'm amazing, I get a lot done,
I'm awesome, and yet they are still living
in their parents house and they're 50, you know?
A lot of people's self perception isn't real
because their self perception
is never checked against progress.
Self perception should always have a component
of self evaluation compared to where you want to be.
Because a lot of people think they're great,
but they haven't done anything in seven weeks.
A lot of people think they're also not good
but they're also, they've had so much progress
they're not giving themselves credit.
We've got a lot of people who are so amazing in their life,
but they never feel amazing
because all the progress they get, they never look at it,
and they never integrate those wins,
integrate that progress, integrate that momentum,
and so their identity feels weak.
They feel bad about themselves, they hate themselves,
even though they're amazing.
And sometimes we have to tie a little bit of our perception
to our progress because that just makes it real.
I know people comment and go oh you don't understand,
Brendon, that's a dangerous thing to do
'cause some people,
if they're not getting any progress they'll hate themselves.
No this isn't about hating yourself,
it's about being real with yourself.
Like, if you're not progressing towards your goals,
call a spade a spade.
Be like, you know what, I'm not showing up enough.
I'm not giving my full.
I'm not like playing intensely.
I'm not protecting my time and handling my time well.
I'm not speaking up for my truth.
Sometimes you gotta be real
with yourself before you know yourself.
Sometimes you've got to acknowledge the fact
that you're not progressing,
and that will spark something and you go,
you know what I don't wanna feel like a loser.
I don't wanna feel like I'm not doing things.
And I know that language is hard for people
'cause no one wants to feel like a loser
and no one wants to feel like they're not doing anything,
but sometimes it's okay.
I mean, there was times in my life
when I wanted to be a writer,
and many of you guys now I've written
six bestselling books now,
but I'm telling you before that period of time
I kind of hated myself because the truth was
I wanted to be a writer but I wasn't writing.
And at some point I had to own that and go,
(sighing) you know what,
it's okay I feel crappy about myself as a writer
'cause I'm not writing.
And that internal angst can sometimes become fuel and fire.
The main thing is don't let the internal angst stop you
and hate yourself.
Instead, acknowledge it is real,
call a spade a spade and get back in there and improve.
Approach your life as an opportunity to grow
and progress faster.
And your self perception will start to align with it.
Like your self perception, your confidence,
how you feel about yourself,
if you can align it with real progress
you'll feel momentum and the depth of your character.
If you have the bad days or the bad weeks or the bad months,
you gotta acknowledge it and be okay with it.
Don't hate yourself but go I can do better.
What's my next project?
What's my next progress checkpoint?
What's the next milestone?
And get back on track again
and you'll find yourself feeling better
and people perceiving you in more of your truth,
which is a capable, competent, confident person.
And then I'll share the last thing.
There's no greater way to gut check yourself perception
than the degree in which you have leadership in your life.
Are you being a role model and a leader for other people?
And you know that question is either a yes or a no.
It's a binary thing.
Either yes, I am being a role model
and I'm trying each day to have the role model mindset
to lead other people, to influence them positively
or you're just going through the motions.
And ultimately a lot of people's self perception,
they're scared to check it,
'cause that's a high standard right?
To check your identity, to check who you feel you are
against the reality of the influence
you have with other people.
It's super hard and super scary
and there's gonna be parts of your life
where you're like oh my god, I don't have,
like I don't have any influence with people.
They don't like me, I don't have any leadership.
Well then call it a spade a spade
and say what do I need to learn about communication?
What do I need to learn about leadership?
What do I need to learn about persuasion?
Because if you can get better at those
your self perception of yourself improves.
You start feeling good about yourself
when you're a better communicator.
You feel better about yourself
when you can lead other people.
You feel better about others when you can influence them
to support you, believe in you, buy from you, cheer you on,
or at least improve their own lives.
'Cause you wanna know when your self perception
goes to its highest when you know
that you're in service to others.
When you know every single day that you show up to serve
and lead and to care for and to be a role model for others,
your confidence comes in.
Your perception aligns with the truth
that you're here to make a difference.
Your perception aligns with the truth
that you are capable of helping other people.
And when they see that you're helping other people
and you feel like you're helping other people,
that alignment of perception comes back into alignment
and you feel better about who you are
because you recognize that other people
are seeing your greatness.
You can't be great if you don't lead.
You can't feel great about yourself
unless you care for other people,
you serve other people, and you seek to be a role model.
These are the things that can align that self perception
of what other people think and what you think
and gut check yourself once in a while
because you're an extraordinary person.
So start living like one.
For more infomation >> Deadly shooting of robbery suspect by cab driver deemed self-defense - Duration: 4:06. 
For more infomation >> After-school program in Plymouth teaching self-defense - Duration: 3:33. 
For more infomation >> Man shoots wife, kills self in apparent attempted murder-suicide: Polk County Sheriff's Office - Duration: 0:16. 
For more infomation >> Was sind die Vorteile von Self-Publishing? – Katharina Herzberger - Duration: 1:28. 
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét