Y/N: hey hobi
Y/N: is everything alright?
Let's just say
I am happy you are okay
well, really
I was so worried
really
I couldn't even sleep
I have been trying to reach you all day but you weren't answering so
I've been
really, really concerned
I was scared
I still am honestly
but there was really no reason for you to distance yourself like this
you know I wouldn't judge you
I just want to understand
talk to me please
I think I know a little
about what those scars are
I am not going to make you explain
but I know they are not an accident
I have seen those before on other people
I know how self harm looks like
and it's what I saw on you yesterday
don't worry
I am really not mad at you or anything
this doesn't change anything
no matter what you are still my lovely Y/N
it's just
I was so surprised
I really didn't mean to cry
but it really hurts to see you hurt
and I felt so sad
I get that
you were scared
but I don't want you to be
I want to be here for you
and I can't be if you keep shutting me out
I really want to
support you
even if you don't
feel like talking about it
or anything like that
cause as I hope you know
the worst thing for me is
is to see the people I love hurting
so I've thought a lot about how to help you
and honestly
I have no idea how to
I looked it up online
cause I want to learn as much as possible about this
it is
more important now
I have only seen it
from afar
no one I personally know has ever done this
But I have actually seen it on some ARMY
I wish they wouldn't
do this to themselves
I always want to help them but
it's a really sensitive subject
so I can't help
for real
it makes me so upset
this is too
stigmatized
I want to talk about it
let people know they are not alone and there's hope
so many people go through this
I wish people knew
it is an addiction
the same as any other drug
you want to stop but then it won't let go
and you feel trapped and lonely
with this
and I've noticed that it's sometimes called a "trend"among the young
in some articles
it's even something
shameful to some
A lot of people think it's about attention
but the majority hide their scars anyways
they don't want people to think it's for attention
another reason for hiding it
could be
fear of being forced to stop
cause when you have self-harmed for a while
it becomes like
your own safe place
somewhere you can feel something
when you need an escape
from things you can't talk to people about
because they would never understand
what you are going through
and even
if you told them you self harm
they'd ask why
and you don't even know yourself
I think only people who go through it
can actually understand
what I mean..
I feel like I am beating around the bush
so I am just gonna say what I think
I really
hate this
I hate that you are hurting yourself
and I really want you to stop
but I know I can't demand that
and it makes me so frustrated
you know?
I wish I could
throw everything away
everything you use
but I know
that
I can't do that to you
only you can actually
I think
you should realize how serious this is
your life is on the line here
and is it worth it?
no it really isn't
this is nothing but bad
nothing about it is good
it makes you feel worse
at least
in the long run it can be really bad
and affect you very negatively
I know it can be hard
to imagine yourself without it
I agree it's scary parting with something you are so attached to
finding other things
and ignoring it
I can imagine
it is very challenging
because you have
made it your place of comfort
you just need it
it's important to know that you actually don't need it
and this is what you can
tell yourself.. when
you want it
convince yourself
that you
don't /need/ it
because you don't
try to challenge it and see it as your enemy
it isn't your friend and it can't do anything nice for you or anything like that
only temporary fixes
and then you are left with
scars forever
and speaking of
I don't think
you should be ashamed of your scars
but
you need to
think about the circumstances
and if it's suitable
to show them in a situation
if you are going out with some friends
I think it's alright to show it then
and if they
feel uncomfortable then it is
really just something they need to get over
cause if they can't accept you for it
then
they can't accept who you are
cause it really is a part of you
and if they are fresh wounds
which I hope not
maybe it is
better not to bring attention to it
focus on keeping them safe
but of course when you are with me
you don't have to
I don't mind them
I want you to feel comfortable around me
so you don't have to
hide anymore
I am not judgmental about it
My heart just clenches at the thought
but I don't think you understand
how much this affects me
it has made me think a lot
and I am.. I just
feel really /hopeless/ about it you know?
I have always thought
that I could be a better boyfriend to you
and I am just realizing how bad I have been
Y/N: don't say that~
but it's true
I couldn't see how bad you felt and it's kinda my job
so I feel like I have a part in this
but now we can only look forward
we can start by
how can you
get out of this bubble?
that you find yourself in
when you self harm
we have to figure it out
you can try different things
ask yourself why do I want it now
is it really
gonna solve your problems
at all
like I said you can convince yourself you don't need it
and find something else to do
you know that
I care about you so much
more than anything
more than you know
I really f*cking do
I just want you to know
I think you are the most beautiful and precious
person I have ever known
and laid eyes on
I wish you knew that
and I know you always think
that I am lying about it
but I am really truthful
I think I have always known
you aren't totally okay
I don't know
why I didn't act on it
but I think it was subconscious
and whenever you would like flinch
or move away
I would just brush it off
I really thought it was just me
because I can be over the top sometimes
and you might not be used to that
cause you are
more of the quiet type
and I can be too optimistic sometimes, missing out on details
because I can be like that
a little off
I haven't discovered this sooner
and kinda let your self harm get this bad
so I really want
I want to apologize for that
from now on I am
going to be as aware as possible
and I want to be the best boyfriend I can be
and help you out
even if I don't understand everything
I will always do my best to
and cheer you up
make you smile
and as happy as possible
if it wasn't for work I would come to you
and I have never hated my schedule this much
but everything is gonna be okay
I will be there soon
and we can sit down and talk about it
but for now we can
speak over the phone like this
and I will be near my phone whenever you call
you know
I totally believe
you can overcome this and be the happiest person alive
it seems impossible now
but just wait and you will see
it will take a lot of effort and It's not gonna be perfect
but it's okay
nothing is really perfect
we have to struggle and feel pain
to make a happy future
I really
really
think you can do this
you know I really love you
and really grateful
that I still have you
I really love you.. heart
Y/N: I love you too hobi, thank you for understanding
Y/N: I feel like crying right now. I don't know if I am sad or relieved
maybe both
don't cry now, it's okay
you know I would too then
promise you will be careful
I want you safe
whenever you feel weak or tired
you just need to call me
when you feel nothing is worth living for
any longer
I am here then
you know my name is J-hope for a reason
I am your hope
I'll be your strength
Don't forget about me
I love you
bye!

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