The whole idea of self-care is everywhere. It's from things like "Oh yeah,
take a bath. Use a bath bomb. Take out the nice candles," to like, "Hey, make
sure that you take a break from your work and you're not burning
yourself out." So this is very very important .Especially if you're in a
mindset where you're like, "No I cannot possibly stop working. I must keep going.
I must be miserable." Ultimately though once you get past that point, it's not as
difficult. Like if you're at a point where you're willing to take time off
for yourself, it's not exactly a challenge to, you know, go and get your
nails done or something. So then it becomes really easy, especially in
internet spaces where you can show pictures of people relaxing and
being happy and whoo yay, to really overemphasize that aspect of self-care as
being the entirety of self-care. There are some elements of self-care
that are hard to do, but still super important. Start with the basics
self-care is taking care of yourself. Sometimes you just gotta imagine you're
in The Sims and you got to make sure that food bar is all the way full. Eat three
full meals. Take a shower. Sleep. Get social time and time to yourself. Take
your meds. Self-care also requires balancing times which means saying no to
some things, but it also means saying yes to some things. So genuinely think
about your future self like, "Will I have the energy and the capacity and the
time to be able to be involved in this activity? How is it helping my sense of
self? How is it helping my time with people? Is this something that's really
important to me? How does this fit into what I would do?" And if the answer
leads you to something like "Uh not really, but I feel obligated to do it,"
then start learning the process of saying no to things graciously. "How to Adult"
has a really good video on that topic that I'm going to link to here.
Self-care is also doing administrative task. My least favorite thing.
So: budgeting, RSVP'ing, texting people back, checking your email, cleaning your room.
It's those like pesky annoying things that will fester in your brain unless
you do something about them. My dad always taught me the two-minute
rule. if you can do it in fewer than two minutes, don't put it on your to-do list;
just do it now, because then you just get it out of your way. It's not in your
to-do list; It's not in your head. It's just done. For things that it takes a
very little effort to do but there are big consequences if you do them too late
(or not at all), you definitely want to get them done early. I have learned this the
hard way. Another important part of self-care: if there are things you know
you won't do in the future, make it so that you have to do them. Like if you're
introverted and your natural tendency is like "I will be alone and I will watch
this TV show and I will be happy by myself,"
that's great! Please do that. Please be happy. But also make sure that you
are getting important time with other people and have friendships
that will support you. I am definitely that way, especially when I'm depressed
and I'm just like,0" I don't want to leave this house ever. Talking with someone
sounds not fun. I don't want to do that. I don't do anything. Blah." Talking to people,
even if it doesn't like feel fun in the moment, is something that you need
to do. So for example, I had this Bible study that I would skip when I was
not feeling life at the moment. One of my very good friends was in it, so I made
it so that I saw her less and then, of course, was like involved and then
felt bad about skipping things, and it was just like bad endless cycle.
I said "Every week before we go to Bible study why don't you come over to my
apartment, and then I'll make you dinner, and we'll like chat and have a good time."
And it was really great, and it was like super fun and good for, like, months of
September and October we had fun. I learned to cook things and it made me keep
my house clean. But then like once November December
we're like - the Sun goes away and everything is dark and desolate I was
like "I don't want to go to Bible study this week." I couldn't just cancel on the
person I had said would make dinner for. But then like once that got rolling
it was like, "Oh yes! I like this person. She is great to hang out with and I love
her very much. Wow. Things are more okay than they were
when I was hiding under a blanket." And it wasn't always that way. Sometimes it was
like, "Oh I wish I had never agreed to do this. I should have stayed home. I don't
know why I'm talking to anybody at all." It's kind of like global temperatures.
There are fluctuations and ups and downs in between but there is
an overall trend and that's what you want to go for. Except not like global
temperatures in that you want it to get better and not worse.
That was a bad metaphor. And you may have the opposite thing if you're an
extrovert. y=You may want to be like, "Yes I would like to be with people. This is
very good. I need this." And then you might struggle to
to say no to things and say like, "Oh I'm not going to go to this get-together,
this party, or spend time with so-and-so. I'm gonna sit here read a book
instead," because everyone needs a balance of both.
Everyone needs a balance of both. And don't just like do that every once in a
while. Set up a pattern. So like watch the same TV show every Thursday night or
something. Have a date night with yourself! One of the best things I have
ever done. Something I did throughout the eighth season of Doctor Who was I would
go to this sushi place that was within walking distance. I would order
there. While they were making it, I would sit and read a book. Then I would bring it
back, walk back to my dorm, and then just like sit in bed and eat sushi and watch
Doctor Who. Doctor....Who-shi. Eyyy.
I'm so sorry. But I'm getting distracted. The point is put structures in place
that will force you to do things that are good for you. Other people can be
really helpful in keeping you accountable, so study together clean
together, Skype together. Have a set thing
that you feel like some small obligation of like, "Oh I should probably do this." You
should set it up when it's easy to do, because it won't always be easy - like me
and my friend with dinner. I knew that that depression would hit in the winter,
so I set it up so that I was set for when it happened.
A lot of self-care is about systems. Patterns are really helpful for some
people and habits are really helpful. Spontaneity is really helpful for other
people, but I would encourage you to like have some sort of written like, "This is
what I want to do and this is how I'm going to take care of myself." You
can set things up so that you are taken care of. You can make a support
system of saying like, "Hey, if I'm acting this way, this is a helpful way to
respond." I have been blessed with wonderful family and friends who I can
just call if I need to, but also who I can say, :Hey if I'm acting this way,
it means this for me, and so it would be really helpful if you could like not
frame it in this way, if you could talk to me about these things, if you could
like ask before you touch me," like anything like that that people might not
assume. It takes a lot of like self-knowledge but self-knowledge,
self-care, self-actualization. All these things are so good. But you can't
just like sit in a room and do them alone. You have to get other people on
your team. The team with the point of building one another
up and making sure that you're communicating well and being loving.
There was a time when I would have probably dropped out of school had it
not been for the overwhelming checking in and calling and support and making food,
because I was too depressed to make myself food so my mom
sent me like this giant thing of Tupperwares filled with frozen food.
I had people who would reach out and initiate with me, but then I also
initiated with people. I had people call me to make sure that I was getting
out of bed at a reasonable hour in the morning. That was self-care at the point
when I couldn't do a lot for myself. And so you are so important and need to be
taken care of, so set these things up for yourself and ask people you know
and love what you can do specifically to help them. Man we are all trying super
hard, but life is tough. Sometimes you hate everything or you think, "Oh if I
just work really hard I will be okay, and I'm smart enough to do thi,s and I don't
need to sleep or anything," but like, listen. You are like a complex being with
like lots of different needs that need to be met and sometimes you need to work
really hard to make sure those things are met for you and you need to bring
other people along with you. If you don't have people then part of your self-care
can be finding those people. and yes there is room to go to the spa or take a
bath or do those kind of like fluffy fun good self-care things, because there us
space for all of that, because you need all of that. You and your health and your
well-being and your mental health are far more important than then you
probably can imagine. And they enable you to do the other things that you also
find important. Get that ball rolling. It's a process. But you can do it.
Ugh.
Dang nabbit.
Caffeine is kicking in now. Tf you can do it in 2 minutes or less -
fewer. Ugh. When you have to take a shower you're gross and you feel unhappy. If you
hadn't eaten enough food you're gross - wait. I don't want to go this week; I
don't want to talk to people; I just want to stay home and think about how miserable I am.
(turning pages loudly)
Ahhhh- what?
There's a bird who wants to get in this house and I'm very worried about
this bird. I also have "eat good" and "therapy." Two good pieces of advice.
I have lit- oop, ope, don't go that far. I recently I don't recommend - but like ultimately what -
ultimately what you get - ultimately what you get - Once you get. Once you get.
Under creativity I have "vlogs,", "poetry??" and "do your best." If I
unplug the refrigerator, I'll never plug it back in. This happens
every time; this is why I need to use a mic. Okay. (coughing)
I don't have time. I need to get to class. Bahhhh
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