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I think that everyone wants more confidence and higher self-esteem

and I know that I personally used to think about self-esteem as the pinnacle.

If you had high self-esteem, you're gonna get everything you wanted in your life

and I have since reversed on that position because I've seen that, actually, high self-esteem — when it becomes the focus —

can be detrimental and it absolutely has been to me.

So I want to share with you in this video a mindset that not only incorporates self-esteem but I think

supersedes it and is quite frankly, more important that you can incorporate.

In order to get there, I kind of have to talk about what self-esteem is and how it differs from regular confidence

so in order to do this, think of a scenario where you are approaching someone.

Now, this can be someone that you're interested in romantically, it could simply be that your standing at a party,

there's somebody next to you and you'd like to talk to them but that moment of anxiety kicks in.

The person who lacks confidence, their mindset is — "I will be kind to myself as long as this situation goes well. And I don't think it's going to go well."

So in the scenario where they do finally muster up the courage, their mental track is —

"You don't have anything interesting to say. They're probably not wanting to talk to you. Oh my god, that was dumb.

What will you say next? Don't say that; that's stupid." And of course, because they're thinking that,

they behave that and the interaction goes poorly and the cycle continues.

The person that has confidence actually has the same exact mindset which is — "I will be kind to myself as long as this goes well."

The difference is that they have practiced enough times that they think it's going to go well.

So maybe they've watched the channel, they know what they're going to say to

begin with, they have some things that will revive conversation if it goes stale,

and because of that — they feel good, they walk up with a smile on their face

and typically the interaction goes well, and that cycle continues. But of course,

it doesn't always and when it does, the person who lacks or just has confidence beats themself up

which is where we move to self-esteem and this is what I thought was everything.

Self-esteem isn't concerned with necessarily the outcome; it's concerned with the process.

The person with self-esteem says — "I will be kind to myself simply by living up to my own principles and values."

And if you're like me, your principles are authenticity, honesty, doing your best...

so as soon as they move to approach that individual, they have already won —

they're living up to their values, they're trying their best, and when they arrive

there whether or not they know what to say — they feel great, it radiates from them, and that interaction tends to go well;

that's why self-esteem is so powerful.

Now, it's been amazing. This is a level for me that changed my life.

This took me from in-a-job-that-I-didn't-like to pursuing something that I was truly passionate about.

It had me traveling the world with my best friends. It keeps me involved in activities

that quite frankly, I don't have a ton of natural talent in like music and I do it because I love it.

It's not about being really good; it's about the process and the enjoyment that I get.

But there's an issue with self-esteem and I have encountered it firsthand; it's that

sometimes we do not live up to our values — we don't walk up to that person,

we don't do what we should, we're not honest, we're not authentic, we don't try our best —

and in these situations, what I would do is beat myself up,

"Man, you let yourself down. You diminished your self-esteem there. You're not living up to your own values.

You got to do better next time. You have done better in the past but chop-chop, let's make it happen."

Now, I thought that this was great because this is kind of the stick that motivated me to achieve all of the things that I've achieved in my life.

But I started reading a little bit outside my circle and came across a concept that was very different and that I resisted

and it was this concept of self-love unconditionally.

The difference being that where self-esteem said, "I have to live up to my values,"

self-love was just because for no reason at all, you give yourself this feeling of love.

And I resisted it because I thought, "Wait a second.

All of the things that I've done in my life, I did because I was nervous that if I didn't do it, I was kind of gonna have to beat myself up."

I needed that punishment in order to drive action.

We all know that pain is probably the biggest motivator to change so if I just

keep self-loving myself — maybe I won't approach that person, maybe I won't

move to the next level, maybe I'll just sit and stagnate and heap self-love on myself and feel great but accomplish and do nothing and give nothing back to the world.

I was what I feared but I said, "Okay, I'm gonna experiment with it. If that's where I do wind up, I can always switch back,"

and I have to say it was amazing how things changed.

Far from blocking me from growth, I actually experienced a deeper level

of honesty, of authenticity, of trying my best, and

I want to give you some for-instance examples because it's not exactly intuitive.

So as I started being more self-loving if you will, what I've realized is that

there are certainly scenarios in which I don't do that approach thing that we discussed earlier.

Now, to give myself credit, I do it probably more than 99.9% of people on the planet —

I'm very outgoing, I'm very friendly, and when I see someone that I'm interested in, I oftentimes do that.

But there are certainly times when I don't and what I've realized is that

because I pin my self-esteem and I'd ride on that of doing what I know I should when I don't do it which is inevitable, I sometimes hide the reason for myself.

So for instance, I was in the gym. Sam Harris — who was a guy, if you don't know him, who's an intellectual and I look up to him —

was walking down the stairs and rather than say anything, "Hey, Sam, I like book.

Hey, Sam, I've got this channel. Would you like to participate?" — anything — "Hey," I kept quiet.

And as I did, I kind of just justified it in my head which is — "I'm not a super fan

of his and he is busy. He's got his headphones in or whatever," I didn't want to do it.

As I came back to a place of self-love, what I first realized was —

one, in that moment of course if I was in a self-loving place, I would've just said,

"Hey, man, totally random — I know you're busy. I love your book; it's amazing," and let him go on with his day

or maybe I would have said, "By the way, I have this channel; we're doing a breakdown. Would you like to participate?" Who knows?

But I would have been more authentic and more honest.

And that happens in many other situations.

Another thing that I noticed about myself as I started this self-love

that didn't occur to me when I was just on this level of self-esteem is that I have

pervasive validation-seeking behaviors and they're subtle but they're there.

So for instance, I noticed I was out in a public place, I was talking, cracking jokes,

and I'll perhaps crack a joke with a dark sense of humor and some of the people

will laugh but they'll be one person who doesn't and what I've noticed as I come from a place of self-love and self-acceptance is that

I have a tendency to focus on that person rather than the other people who are laughing; meaning that I will spend more time almost trying to win that person over,

to show them that I'm a good guy rather than just hanging out with the people that I click with and I enjoy with that like my sense of humor

and I'm not saying this person is necessarily a killjoy but I will just be subtly

drawn to them so that the people in the room can have a high opinion of me.

And this didn't occur to me — this is important — at the level of self-esteem.

And I think the reason is because I pinned my self-esteem on authenticity and honesty and when there was little breaches of that, I could correct them.

But this is a pervasive big breach that invades and creeps into so many of my interactions in tiny little ways.

And to accept that, that on a fundamental level there's an inauthenticity, would crush my self-esteem — that is not living up to my value.

But when I come from a place of self-love and self-acceptance instead,

I'm able to see that and now I can adjust and I see it again, I've been dating more,

and one of the things that I noticed is I have a tendency to feel guilty when the date doesn't go well

and I feel this tendency to force a second date so that that other person... I don't know... feels good or whatever rather than simply saying,

"Not a match. Nothing wrong with them. Nothing wrong with me. Let's move on and not waste any more of either of our time."

There's this sense of guilt in there and again that's not authentic so I didn't, I think, address it from a level of self-esteem.

I tell you these examples to say that I thought that coming from a place of self-love was going to lead to stultify growth and it couldn't be more the opposite.

I have felt myself more honest, more authentic, and more like I'm trying my honest

best from this place of self-love then from this place of as-long-as-I-live-up-to-my-values. Now let me be clear, self-esteem is awesome.

Absolutely have values and principles and things that are important to you.

I needed that phase in order to drive to those things so I could clarify that,

"Yes, authenticity does matter to me." Confidence. Know your strategies.

It's cool to have domain-level confidence. What I'm suggesting is that you implement at the base of all of this —

this level of bedrock self-love which is unconditional — for no reason at all.

I don't care how badly you fail; I don't care if you don't try.

That level of self-love will not only make you just feel nice, it will actually push you

to be your best self in ways that are truly and, have been for me, mind-boggling.

Now, this video is already getting long. I want to give you things that you can do

to begin to implement this so I have two recommendations and one announcement.

The first is to say that there are two audiobooks I want to recommend — courtesy of our sponsor Audible who sponsored this video.

Those are Love Yourself like Your Life Depends on it by Kamal Ravikant

and Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden.

And if you've not read either of them, I will tell you a bit about them in just a second

but you can access them via Audible if you sign up with our link below which is audible.com/charisma.

With that, you get a free 30-day trial and you can choose to listen to one of those audiobooks for free if this is your first time signing up.

Audible also has an unbeatable selection of audiobooks and it makes it super easy to

have more books in your life which I think is incredibly important.

It's especially nice because if you have to commute to work where you're driving and

you're in public transportation, you can still feed your brain with these really good gems.

So, Kamal Ravikant's book — excellent primer for self-love.

Nathaniel Branden's Six Pillars of Self-Esteem — even though it has self-esteem in the title,

I think it borders on self-love especially the parts about self-acceptance and self-consciousness

and those have fantastic exercises for cultivating this and developing it inside of you.

So if you want to sign up for Audible, you'll get access to a huge, huge library of audiobooks

and you get that free one with a 30-day trial so I highly, highly recommend checking out one of those two.

In addition, this is the announcement — I've been working probably for the last year, nearly, and a half on a course called Emotional Mastery.

I am super excited for it and I'm going to launch it next week

and it really does deal in part with this concept of self-love.

It's a tough course to describe because, really, in the same way that I didn't see these issues prior to doing these exercises, that's kind of what the course is about.

There's things in our life that we don't necessarily recognize our holding us back

and when we do see them, it's shocking that they've been there all along but they surprise us

and when we remove them, there's a level of happy and joy and freedom and achievement that flows from that

that's just tough to conceive of beforehand so that's really as difficult as I describe what the course is about.

If you're interested in it and want to know more, you can sign up for our email list

where we'll be releasing that course next week so I hope that you have found this video interesting.

Let me know. This is the kind of stuff that I've been thinking a lot about lately.

And of course, if you like this video, subscribe to the channel.

We're going to have a new breakdown coming out on Thursday and then

some more in this vein probably next Monday so I hope you like this and I'll see you in the next one.

For more infomation >> Why Self-Esteem Is Overrated - Duration: 11:36.

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Don't Take Negative Self-Talk So Seriously - Duration: 2:03.

Have you paid any attention to the inner talk the chatter that is constantly

going on in your head about who you are and your capacity to reach your goals?

Those recurring thoughts are very telling,

not of the reality of how things truly are but of where your mental set point

is and of the direction that you're heading in.

Much of the negative things

that we tell ourselves are just subjective distortions that we act as

though are fact written in a science book.

For the most part, much of our

self-talk is a mixture of thoughts and emotions that are really rooted in past

experiences that may not have anything to do with the present. Many are outdated

and others were inaccurate from the moment your mind created them.

For example, especially when we're really young, it's very easy for our minds to

extrapolate. But because somebody said this or did that to us that we must not

be good enough a lot of adults continue to live their lives based on those

experiences.

Our minds also have the tendency to filter out good things and

focus only on the bad stuff. They tend to exaggerate, making things worse than what

they really are. They over generalize to work.

For example if you had two

boyfriends cheat on you back-to-back, you're now thinking that all men are

cheaters and they're no good.

In the case of guys, a guy might think that women

only want to be with the tall guy or super wealthy guy.

Our minds can also

edit out certain information while focusing on negatives that only make us

feel bad. It's not uncommon for our minds to jump to conclusions without

any evidence, because we're just functioning from a place of fear.

Those are just a few examples of all the different things that our minds tend to

do to us, so the next time your mind starts to regurgitate all that negative

self-talk:

A) Don't take it so seriously

B) Start to challenge it.

For mire information on how you can train your mind to be positive and have a positive

self perception go to SashaCarrion.com and be sure to subscribe to my newsletter.

For more infomation >> Don't Take Negative Self-Talk So Seriously - Duration: 2:03.

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Discover the 7 Secrets to Overcome Self Sabotage - Duration: 1:08.

Hello welcome, if you're here you're probably dealing with Depression

Disordered Eating or Self-Sabotage. My name is Lisa Lieberman Wang

and I'm no stranger to that. I spent the better part of my life and Dis-Ease with myself eating compulsively binging purging

13 years to be exact and it's now 25 years that I've been free and abstinent from hurting myself.

And I know that there are so many people looking for the answers, and I put this together for you.

I would love to share with you the 7 Secrets to Overcome Self-Sabotage so you can live an authentic life,

happy, healthy, and free!

All you need to do is fill out the form before below and

Opt in we will give you an amazing video I put together and if you share this with your friends

I'm going to give you a free copy of my number one best-selling book find a fab and

Fine is how I used to feel and that was F'd Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional

and I thought FAB Fabulous, Awesome, Beautiful be better. I'd love to share with you. How you can take this journey too?

Opt-in now, and I'll see you on the other side.

For more infomation >> Discover the 7 Secrets to Overcome Self Sabotage - Duration: 1:08.

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Putting Our Self-Advocacy Skills to Use - Duration: 4:11.

[Instrumental music]

Darcus Nims: Me and Betty, we asked to

go to a conference in Washington, DC again.

This time, we didn't have no helpers.

We could go on our own.

Betty Williams: And we thought we knew where we were going. And we thought we had all the information,

but we didn't when we got there. We were under the impression that somebody was picking us up at

the airport. Well, when they didn't show up we started getting nervous, but we sit there and we

tried to figure out well what are we going to do next. And what we decided was that we sit

there for about an hour to see if the people would show up, and they never showed up.

Darcus Nims: I had some money on my calling card.

I kept on calling all these hotels and stuff and see if they had someone -- had us registered.

Nobody had us registered.

Betty Williams: So then we decided to get a cab and just to go somewhere close to the Metro so

that we could get on one of the Metro trains the next day. We just kept walking until we

found a hotel that we thought fit what we needed. So we -- I had at the time credit card

so we used our -- we used my credit card to get a room. And so the next day we got up and

tried to call the number that we had for the people that was supposed to pick us up. And

they were already gone so we had to find -- we had to -- they -- there were some people there were

still some people there that told us to just go to the Metro and to -- that we would see

people with disabilities on the Metro so to just follow people with disabilities then we'd

find the rally that we were supposed to be at. Well, we did that and we were able to find --

at least find the rally that we were supposed to go to.

Darcus Nims: And that -- then, we got there to get our home and got booked into a

storm [laughter]. And then we had to switch planes and stuff because the plane

that was supposed to take us wasn't going to take us home and stuff.

But, if we didn't know about self-advocates and how to do this and stuff, we wouldn't know

how to book a hotel or how to get to the place we were having the conference and stuff

like that because we always depend on our helpers and stuff, and -- or depend on other

people to help us.

There was nobody there to help us.

We had to depend on ourselves, something that nobody thought we could do.

Really, we didn't think we could do it ourselves and we thought -- we were shocked we did it.

Betty Williams: You know, we knew, we know that if we hadn't had self-advocacy skills

that we wouldn't have been able to survive that because we -- we were really scared

because we didn't know what to do. We were ready to go back home. We were ready to get

back on the plane and go home, but the airport told us we couldn't go home because we had

to wait until the next day to get our plane tickets. So we really did have to rely on the

skills that we had learned to be able to survive that night. So I mean we always tell people

that we credit self-advocacy for that because we learned how to rely on ourselves and have

confidence in who we are and what we believe in through self-advocacy.

[Instrumental music]

For more infomation >> Putting Our Self-Advocacy Skills to Use - Duration: 4:11.

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D4L Orientation Week 2: Self Determination Theory - Duration: 4:10.

Most of you are at least familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. And we know that if our basic

physical needs are not met, there is very little chance of advancing up the hierarchy towards

self-actualization, that is, true personal growth and fulfillment as a human being. And

that's why we make sure that kids in schools have their physical and safety needs met before

we even expect them to be able to learn. And why support for breakfast programs and for lunch programs in schools

is so very important. Well, going beyond those physical and safety needs, there are also

psychological human needs that we all share and these needs tremendously impact our ability

and our motivation to learn. So this lecture is about theory. But in the Foundation Module,

you'll get to put some of this theory into practice, practical strategies, when you think about

instructional design and the strategies that we can employ.

The theory I'm going to talk about is called Self-Determination Theory.

And it's one of the most studied theories of motivation and of human psychological needs in the world.

It was originally put forth by Drs. Edward Deci and Richard Ryan

from the University of Rochester, but it has since been researched by literally hundreds of scholars

world-wide, including myself. It's been used across many domains including medicine

and education and it's been found to hold up cross culturally, as well, which is very important.

I wanted to share some of this theory

with you because it has enlightened my own work in designing and evaluating online learning

environments. And so I believe that it is also going to help stimulate your thinking, as well.

Again, Self-Determination Theory holds that all human beings have certain psychological

needs and that these needs beg to be satisfied in order to feel healthy and well-adjusted.

As I mention these needs, please be thinking about what this all means in terms of our

roles as instructors and particularly when we are no longer face to face with our learners

but rather we are interacting with them in cyberspace.

The first of these is the Need for Competence. We need to feel that we can be effective.

Deci says that if a person doesn't feel competent, you can actually predict negative psychological

consequences, and this has been proven.

So, what can we do to help learners feel competent as online learners?

The second need we are going to look at is relatedness. We are social creatures.

We all want to relate to one another. To belong.

And the third need is autonomy. We want to feel we have control over what we do.

We have the desire to regulate our own environment, our own learning.

And when we feel that sense of control, we become engaged. We're motivated.

We're willing to expend an effort and some energy on learning.

But what happens if you are an online learner in

an environment that is poorly organized, you can't find your way around, some of the links

don't work, there are not many choices?

Now, how is that going to affect your sense of autonomy?

And your sense of being able to control your online learning?

So, while content is king, so to speak, our roles as instructional designers will also mean

that we have to support a learner's sense of competence, autononomy,

and relatedness in an online learning environment.

For more infomation >> D4L Orientation Week 2: Self Determination Theory - Duration: 4:10.

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A Path To The Self: Three Ways To Gain Self Knowledge - Duration: 4:00.

Through self-knowledge, you recognize your divine nature and the deeper purpose to life.

You create a larger context in which to view your existence.

You learn how to interpret and organize your experiences.

You develop an inner connection with all creation.

Self-knowledge helps you blend world and spirit.

Along the way you face the demon of attachments.

Some attachments are healthy, such as those to family and friends.

But you must release your need to control other people and events.

You must deal with challenging situations or choose to let them go.

Self-knowledge strengthens your ability to grow and expand your sense of self.

Develop the capacity for concentration and stillness with meditation.

Quiet times alone help you awaken to the truth of your divine nature.

For a short while you step away from the constant demands of the outside world.

You let go of false beliefs and illusions.

You let go of feelings of separation.

During times of stillness you free yourself from habitual patterns that limit your spiritual

growth.

Meditation relaxes the body, calms the mind and renews the spirit.

You access a deeper state of awareness.

You increase your creativity.

You are better able to concentrate.

Meditative techniques vary.

You may focus on your breath.

You may repeat a mantra or affirmation.

You may walk quietly and mindfully.

Meditation may be the most powerful tool for developing a clear, focused mind.

Cultivate mindfulness as essential for a conscious life.

By paying attention to each present moment, you appreciate the fullness of being alive.

Habitual ways of thinking and acting disconnect you from the now.

Fear distracts you.

Impatience robs you of life's joy.

Many of your bumps and bruises occur because of a lack of mindfulness.

Mindfulness simply means paying attention.

You give your entire awareness to the present moment.

You use past experience to enhance the meaning of the present.

You let go of your need to rush into the future.Being mindful helps you focus on what matters the

most to you.

Acquire knowledge of the world around you and within you.

To gain self-knowledge you must let go of limiting beliefs that inhibit your learning

and growth.

Examples of these beliefs abound.

"I can't do it.

I don't deserve it.

It will never happen."

Examine these beliefs and especially your interpretation of them.

Talk to friends who encourage you, not those who increase your doubts.

If you feel confused and overwhelmed, you can seek more information.

Consider taking a course of study.

Read new books on specific subjects.

Most important, remain open-minded and able to ask questions.Awareness of both inner and

outer worlds increases your self-knowledge and sense of wholeness.

As you recognize your divine nature, you grasp the deeper purpose of life that underlies

all existence.

You let go of unhealthy attachments that do not serve this purpose.

In your life journey, you encounter obstacles and difficulties that obscure the truth of

your divine nature.

But just as the tiny acorn contains what is necessary for the mighty oak tree.

You have all you need within to accomplish your purpose for living.

You are guided by a Higher Power and inner wisdom.

As you blend world and spirit, you increase your self-knowledge and expand your sense

of self.

For more infomation >> A Path To The Self: Three Ways To Gain Self Knowledge - Duration: 4:00.

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Self Narrate Thought Of The Week #6: Storytelling with Children - Duration: 1:30.

Hey everybody, welcome back,

I am Jerron Jones, one half of Self Narrate.

One thing that I wanna remind you all that we do

is we offer a service

is whenever we work with an organization

we also use that cost to offset our ability

to do a free workshop for kids

and underrepresented populations to develop their story.

And I especially love going to the schools

and going and we work with these kids

and show them how important it is to know and own your story

you know, just from the beginning.

No limiting beliefs,

anything that you said inside of yourself

that you said you cannot do,

you can break that by remembering your wants and your needs.

Every time I do this workshop

with students and younger kids, I learn so much from them

because when I hear them share their story

I still see pieces of me

and I realize there are some things that 13-year old Jerron

still may need to grow out of.

It might be limiting beliefs, negative self talk,

things that happened in elementary, middle and high school

that I might still be holding on,

so I take that to also understand that

you know, if you're going out there

and you're really thinking about your story

and you're thinking it's just you,

have a conversation with a few young ones

they might be able to teach you

a little bit more about yourself

than you actually expected.

So, just take the time, share your story,

but also encourage some young ones

to share their story as well.

And if we can help them when they're younger,

it makes it a whole lot easier

to make the proper adjustments when their older.

Alright, as always, grow your story, grow yourself.